Wow, there are so many fun things to say today. But unfortunately there are some not so fun things too. Why does it always happen to go that way? Anyway, we are moving right along with our paperwork. As I write this I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song 'Hanging On' and reminded that I'm definitely hanging on...for dear life! This process has been so amazing. I've gotten to witness God's hand tangibly in our finances, in the lives of other friends enduring the grueling process of adoption right along with us, and the transformation of hearts. When we began this 'adoption talk' that alot of my family likes to call it, we had hardly any support. I found something to be particularly true in the conversation of adoption. Either you get the 'wow, you're crazy...I could never do that' or you get the backlash of vehemence stemming from (SEE THIS NOW) THEIR FEAR. Basically that they project their fears on you because you are doing something they don't think they could do or simply choose not to. I got the "You could never afford it" or my favorite "You have 3 healthy children already, you don't need anymore." WOW...really? RIDICULOUS. How would you know(or presume to know) what I NEED?? (One thing I always wonder in an arguement to the 3 healthy kids...why do people go out and buy a new tv? A flatscreen and pay hundreds or thousands of dollars and their old tv works just fine!? They want one, thats why...well so guess what, I want another kid. You sit and watch your tv, I'll adopt a kid, mind your buisness Fred. To each his own, but do not chastize me because you wouldn't adopt, thank you very much.) *F*E*A*R*...its a nasty little thing...and we all have it. It stops MANY people in many avenues of life. Just because I'm stepping out in FAITH does not erase any part of my fears. Faith just allows me to step out IN my fear, knowing that Jesus knows all that I can handle and He WILL equip me. "Lord, you call us into an adoption that has no guarantees, no control, nothing to lean on BUT YOU..." Oh yeah, there's that pesky control thing AGAIN. You'd think I'd get it eventually, but being stubborn is one of my best attributes!!! LOL Ah yeah, one I'd love to get rid of maybe.
I realized that people's only way of trying to understand what I'm doing is to put themselves in my place. They think, wow, I couldn't do that.. >> whatever THAT might be. I couldn't pay that much, I couldn't homeschool, I couldn't put forth that much time, I couldn't put that much of myself out there like that. And they have a lot of reasons why...but it hit me like a pile of bricks in the midst of my frustration...THEY AREN'T ME! God may NOT be calling them to do 'THAT' and that is OKAY!!! But he is calling my husband and I to do this particular thing and who do we really need to answer to? Well, duh, God...but knowing that in my heart and resting in His care is hard for me. I feel like I have to convince someone why I'm doing what I'm doing when I don't need to and then for some stupid reason I'm seeking out their approval!? Why should I? I'm supposed to be a witness, not a people pleaser. There are a few things that God does call us to do. It doesn't matter if you think they are right or wrong or whatever, the Bible says so and so whether you agree or not doesn't matter...the truth is still the same. God commands us (the WHOLE body, THE CHURCH) to take care of the oppressed, defend the orphan, and fight for the rights of the widows.(Isaiah 1:16-17) That didn't have any exceptions that I could see. Do I believe that everyone needs to take in a widow or orphan? CERTAINLY NOT. But taking care of the oppressed is not limited to taking a widow or orphan INTO your home. Soup Kitchens, blanket/clothes for the homeless drives, backpacks for food, volunteering to babysit once a month, PRAYER...financial help for families adopting~simply buying from a garage sale meant to raise money towards fees...ALL these things I believe God uses to ACTIVELY 'take care' of widows and orphans.
I was recently speaking with my mother inlaw about wanting to make a difference for getting word out that orphans ARE apart of our society...IN our town(!) and it hit me. I think that a lot of people really do desire to be apart of helping people adopting...or want to be apart of making a difference for so many kids but really don't know where to even begin. The word adoption has a lot of notsofun words attached to it like 'expensive.' My concern was the same...oh good grief, HOW MANY THOUSAND!? But that's not the point and I think Jesus deals with us individually and in our hearts separately regarding these issues. God said in Deuteronomy 10:17-19 "For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. he shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. And YOU ARE TO LOVE THOSE who are aliens for you and yourselves where aliens in Egypt." If he says I need you to adopt this child...Hes going to provide the finances to do so. We are living testimony to this very fact. We are not people with a lot of excessive money...God has provided EVERY CENT!!! We've paid alittle over $6300 to this point! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? Well, with God. But I've also seen how people write off their responsibility to be actively involved in God's command to help and take care because they know WE are adopting or they know someone else is...or their church is really involved in programs where people are adopting. So instead of 'guilt by association' its more of a 'justificiation (of non-action) by association.' I can say this without malice...I was one of those people. I had to repent for such a hard heart...how many children are without kisses each night from a mommy or daddy that loves them? How many kids aren't hearing those precious, life-giving words "I love YOU." Too many, and so when people say "Your house is too small, where will you put another kid?" I have no answer that really satisfies except that I have room enough for at least one more.
I had a friend ask me how it was possible for me to feel like a child I didn't birth feel like mine? She has 2 step kids and while she loves them dearly, its not the same...well of course its not the same. She didn't choose to be a step mom or choose the step kids that are in her life. I felt like the Lord had confronted me with this question as a test to really dive into the heart of my fear: Can I love this child like my own biological children? Please hear me when I say this: that child IS mine. God designed him FOR ME...for us as a family. I feel my child in a way that unless you've been through an adoption, you cannot understand. I may not feel that child in my belly or concieve him/her, but it doesn't matter...God put this child IN my heart. All I can do for this child is PRAY FOR HIM. Thats all...and I have to be okay with this. I have to trust that my Heavenly Father is forming his precious, perfect body in his birth mommy's womb. Do YOU understand the powerful act of prayer? Its huge and its all that I've got. So me being 'mommy' on my knees praying for my child is unlike any pregnancy I've ever had. I ache for my baby, I love him desperately right now and I cannot wait to meet this miraculous baby. I'm thankful that my friend brought this question to the forefront of my mind: its a huge piece of our process.
But I need to bring forth one more aspect of this adoption that people write off: our birth mom. This woman isn't some 'slut' or some 'mistake'...she is a child that God did create and is loved dearly by our Heavely Father. People seem to fear a 'crack baby.' WOW...is this REALLY what we should be fearing?? The fear that is legitimate is that she will not know that Jesus loves her and has a purpose for HER and her child. Do we not realize that she is already being honored for her first and most crucial decision??? SHE IS CHOSING ADOPTION...NOT abortion. God will bless her and honor her because in a moment where she was choosing intimacy(and some are NOT) and our precious child was concived, she is chosing LIFE when she will face the most excruciating decision of her life. She's chosing to become selfless and placing her child's needs far above her own...in the face of critisizm, in the face of hate and meanness, in the face of rejection...she's chosing to place her child in the arms of a family that desperately WANTS her child. No, this woman deserves respect and love because who of you have put your child up for adoption, trusting people you don't know and placing your child's needs above your own? I certainly couldn't imagine leaving the hospital WITHOUT my baby. Reguardless of her past decisions, God has brought forth a child ON PURPOSE and that birth mom WAS apart of that. Without her, our child wouldn't be. So while I'm on my knees for my baby, I'm also on my knees for her. Praying for her safety, her decisions, her pregnancy, her concerns, her fears...her heart. Would you come along side me and pray as well?