Friday, July 29, 2011

The Promises of the Father

I'm happy to say that we have literally sent in our LAST piece of paperwork...Its soon as that sucker is logged in at CFS we are officially ready to be shown to birth moms! Yes, we were told that we would be able to be shown in certain situations, but now we are officially set and ready to go. I'm so excited. I know I have said it a few times before, but I want to tell everyone of you who have been praying for us through this journey HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU. Rob and I couldn't have done it without your prayer support.

I have felt encouraged by some women in my life that definitely spoke life into my heart recently. Even though our adoption process has been very smooth (considering some of the absolute horror stories I've heard) its still a trust struggle. In my humanness I could have confirmation after confirmation from the Lord and STILL I am weak. Right now in the midst of complete happiness with the paperwork, the trusting struggle still remains in regard to financial provision. How are we going to do this? How can we raise that much? Will it come in time? Will we have enough? The answer is all my questions. The Lord NEVER leads us somewhere He won't absolutely equip us for. I thought about it like this: say you send one of your kids to the store because you need milk. This child has the ability to go; they can drive or walk. They know what store you want them to go to. But this child doesn't have money to go buy the milk with. As a parent, would you expect this child to pay for something that you sent them to go get by themselves when they have no money to buy it?

I was pondering all those things in my heart while in the midst of rushing all over town and realizing we were late to gymnastics. Whoops...*sigh* so typical of it just the luck of the draw that I would genetically receive the 'ALWAYS LATE' gene? Apparently so. So as I walk in and see the beautiful chaos of the last day of the girls gymnastic session (Under the Sea party theme) I'm filled with a wonderful sense of peace. Not just the, 'phew! I made it' kind of peace...a God filling my heart and spirit kind of peace. The girls long time gymnastics coach, Hillery walked up to me and said, "hey Mama! Listen, I have a word for you...God's going to blow your mind. You aren't going to have to worry about the finances of this adoption...He's going to cover EVERY SINGLE CENT." Wow...Okay then! He saw my very anxious heart and wanted to wrap His ever capable arms around me and remind me of one certain and absolute truth:

I love you and I have all of this under MY control. Not yours, Robyn. Rely on me and remember my promise to YOU; I will take care of all your needs (Philippians 4:19).

YOU ARE INVITED! Spaghetti Dinner Fund Raiser!

*We are excited to invite YOU to come eat and check out
            Meadow View of Greeley
                5300 West 29th Street
                  Greeley, Colorado

Spaghetti Dinner Fund Raiser
August 10
th, 6:00 to 8:00
Salad, spaghetti, garlic bread, dessert and entertainment. Profits will
go to the Alzheimer Association and the Riggins Adoption Fund.
$40.00 per couple (kids $1.00)

Meadow View of Greeley link

** Thank you SO much for considering this event~ We would appreciate your company and support!!!!**

Monday, July 25, 2011

My Funny kids...

I wanted to post a few pix of my kids. This one is all of them...They are pretty cheezey children, very used to mom's camera and they like to see themselves. LOL

This is a recent one of Dunc...and his creepy manchild glasses...I think he's hilarious.

The Other Side...

Wow, there are so many fun things to say today. But unfortunately there are some not so fun things too. Why does it always happen to go that way? Anyway, we are moving right along with our paperwork. As I write this I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song 'Hanging On' and reminded that I'm definitely hanging on...for dear life! This process has been so amazing. I've gotten to witness God's hand tangibly in our finances, in the lives of other friends enduring the grueling process of adoption right along with us, and the transformation of hearts. When we began this 'adoption talk' that alot of my family likes to call it, we had hardly any support. I found something to be particularly true in the conversation of adoption. Either you get the 'wow, you're crazy...I could never do that' or you get the backlash of vehemence stemming from (SEE THIS NOW) THEIR FEAR. Basically that they project their fears on you because you are doing something they don't think they could do or simply choose not to. I got the "You could never afford it" or my favorite "You have 3 healthy children already, you don't need anymore." WOW...really? RIDICULOUS. How would you know(or presume to know) what I NEED?? (One thing I always wonder in an arguement to the 3 healthy kids...why do people go out and buy a new tv? A flatscreen and pay hundreds or thousands of dollars and their old tv works just fine!? They want one, thats why...well so guess what, I want another kid. You sit and watch your tv, I'll adopt a kid, mind your buisness Fred. To each his own, but do not chastize me because you wouldn't adopt, thank you very much.) *F*E*A*R*...its a nasty little thing...and we all have it. It stops MANY people in many avenues of life. Just because I'm stepping out in FAITH does not erase any part of my fears. Faith just allows me to step out IN my fear, knowing that Jesus knows all that I can handle and He WILL equip me. "Lord, you call us into an adoption that has no guarantees, no control, nothing to lean on BUT YOU..." Oh yeah, there's that pesky control thing AGAIN. You'd think I'd get it eventually, but being stubborn is one of my best attributes!!! LOL Ah yeah, one I'd love to get rid of maybe.

I realized that people's only way of trying to understand what I'm doing is to put themselves in my place. They think, wow, I couldn't do that..  >>  whatever THAT might be. I couldn't pay that much, I couldn't homeschool, I couldn't put forth that much time, I couldn't put that much of myself out there like that. And they have a lot of reasons why...but it hit me like a pile of bricks in the midst of my frustration...THEY AREN'T ME! God may NOT be calling them to do 'THAT' and that is OKAY!!! But he is calling my husband and I to do this particular thing and who do we really need to answer to? Well, duh, God...but knowing that in my heart and resting in His care is hard for me. I feel like I have to convince someone why I'm doing what I'm doing when I don't need to and then for some stupid reason I'm seeking out their approval!? Why should I? I'm supposed to be a witness, not a people pleaser. There are a few things that God does call us to do. It doesn't matter if you think they are right or wrong or whatever, the Bible says so and so whether you agree or not doesn't matter...the truth is still the same. God commands us (the WHOLE body, THE CHURCH) to take care of the oppressed, defend the orphan, and fight for the rights of the widows.(Isaiah 1:16-17) That didn't have any exceptions that I could see. Do I believe that everyone needs to take in a widow or orphan? CERTAINLY NOT. But taking care of the oppressed is not limited to taking a widow or orphan INTO your home. Soup Kitchens, blanket/clothes for the homeless drives, backpacks for food, volunteering to babysit once a month, help for families adopting~simply buying from a garage sale meant to raise money towards fees...ALL these things I believe God uses to ACTIVELY 'take care' of widows and orphans.

I was recently speaking with my mother inlaw about wanting to make a difference for getting word out that orphans ARE apart of our society...IN our town(!) and it hit me. I think that a lot of people really do desire to be apart of helping people adopting...or want to be apart of making a difference for so many kids but really don't know where to even begin. The word adoption has a lot of notsofun words attached to it like 'expensive.' My concern was the same...oh good grief, HOW MANY THOUSAND!? But that's not the point and I think Jesus deals with us individually and in our hearts separately regarding these issues. God said in Deuteronomy 10:17-19 "For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. he shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. And YOU ARE TO LOVE THOSE who are aliens for you and yourselves where aliens in Egypt." If he says I need you to adopt this child...Hes going to provide the finances to do so. We are living testimony to this very fact. We are not people with a lot of excessive money...God has provided EVERY CENT!!! We've paid alittle over $6300 to this point! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? Well, with God. But I've also seen how people write off their responsibility to be actively involved in God's command to help and take care because they know WE are adopting or they know someone else is...or their church is really involved in programs where people are adopting. So instead of 'guilt by association' its more of a 'justificiation (of non-action) by association.' I can say this without malice...I was one of those people. I had to repent for such a hard many children are without kisses each night from a mommy or daddy that loves them? How many kids aren't hearing those precious, life-giving words "I love YOU." Too many, and so when people say "Your house is too small, where will you put another kid?" I have no answer that really satisfies except that I have room enough for at least one more.

I had a friend ask me how it was possible for me to feel like a child I didn't birth feel like mine? She has 2 step kids and while she loves them dearly, its not the same...well of course its not the same. She didn't choose to be a step mom or choose the step kids that are in her life. I felt like the Lord had confronted me with this question as a test to really dive into the heart of my fear: Can I love this child like my own biological children? Please hear me when I say this: that child IS mine. God designed him FOR ME...for us as a family. I feel my child in a way that unless you've been through an adoption, you cannot understand. I may not feel that child in my belly or concieve him/her, but it doesn't matter...God put this child IN my heart. All I can do for this child is PRAY FOR HIM. Thats all...and I have to be okay with this. I have to trust that my Heavenly Father is forming his precious, perfect body in his birth mommy's womb. Do YOU understand the powerful act of prayer? Its huge and its all that I've got. So me being 'mommy' on my knees praying for my child is unlike any pregnancy I've ever had. I ache for my baby, I love him desperately right now and I cannot wait to meet this miraculous baby. I'm thankful that my friend brought this question to the forefront of my mind: its a huge piece of our process.

But I need to bring forth one more aspect of this adoption that people write off: our birth mom. This woman isn't some 'slut' or some 'mistake'...she is a child that God did create and is loved dearly by our Heavely Father. People seem to fear a 'crack baby.' this REALLY what we should be fearing?? The fear that is legitimate is that she will not know that Jesus loves her and has a purpose for HER and her child. Do we not realize that she is already being honored for her first and most crucial decision??? SHE IS CHOSING ADOPTION...NOT abortion. God will bless her and honor her because in a moment where she was choosing intimacy(and some are NOT) and our precious child was concived, she is chosing LIFE when she will face the most excruciating decision of her life. She's chosing to become selfless and placing her child's needs far above her the face of critisizm, in the face of hate and meanness, in the face of rejection...she's chosing to place her child in the arms of a family that desperately WANTS her child. No, this woman deserves respect and love because who of you have put your child up for adoption, trusting people you don't know and placing your child's needs above your own? I certainly couldn't imagine leaving the hospital WITHOUT my baby. Reguardless of her past decisions, God has brought forth a child ON PURPOSE and that birth mom WAS apart of that. Without her, our child wouldn't be. So while I'm on my knees for my baby, I'm also on my knees for her. Praying for her safety, her decisions, her pregnancy, her concerns, her fears...her heart. Would you come along side me and pray as well?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Blessings upon Blessings

I recently began reading The Elijah list. I LOVE this website. Its changed my whole perspective on my relationship with the Lord. I know that many people think that Chuck Pierce is a crazy guy, but you know, I actually like him. I like many of the things that I've been reading. So today when I woke up I was dumped on. Oh no, a GOOD DUMPING. God heaped blessing on us.

Rob and I just sent out our support letter this last week for our adoption. Talk about major trust. It feels like it was one thing when I was in high school going on a mission trip to send out a letter saying, "hey, have about $2000 to raise, can you help me?" Okay so I didn't write it like that, but you get the point. We've all gotten them and hopefully we've all had to experience the humility of writing such a letter ASKING for help. But I must point out one HIGE difference between the high school mission trips to Mexico or wherever and adoption: this 'mission' trip of adoption is a LIFE LONG trip...there is NO turning back! LOL So if you have not written a letter such as this then let me enlighten you. First of all, knowing that you cannot in any way generate the kind of money that an adoption costs, which if you do not know the typical domestic adoption is usually around $20,000 to $25,000(for us it'll be around $18,500), is incredibly hard to swallow. I believe the costs for foreign adoption are even more. I find this to be COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS!!!! UGH! Why, if there are OVER 147 MILLION orphans in the world would a family have to come up with this much when their hearts are OPEN to taking a child in and love them and raise them???  Just makes me frustrated.  Second of all that there isn't much that you can do to get help until your home study ready. Anyway, Rob and I struggled with the idea that we should just 'take out a loan' and pay it back as we go. I had a hard time believing that the only way to begin the adoption process is to go INTO debt. That makes no sense to me whatsoever. Which is why when we began talking with Colorado Adoption Center they did not encourage us to get a loan or put it on a credit card(in fact they highly discouraged it), they suggested garage sales, bake sales or whatever kind of sale that we could do to raise the money without going into more debt. I was absolutely sold for CAC at that point. Thats exactly how I felt. I would love to be in a position some day to have a way to help families who don't have the money to even begin the process but have a heart for adoption pay for the inital fees. I found it really frustrating also, that there wasn't any way to really cover the costs at the beginning, which is why we had to wait for tax season. But now there is at least help that comes after you finalize your adoption and in the year that you finalize the government is going to help you. I need to just say, I do not care for our President. HOWEVER, he has done one very good thing: he took Bush's Adoption 'credit'  and turned it into a REFUND of $13500. So, I must give him credit there. That is AWESOME and many of the families we know who have adopted in the last 4 years will get that money(eventually). So back to the support letter.

We wrote our letter on the 18th of July and sent it out...praying over each and every letter and person that would be receiving it. We prayed for open and gracious hearts. We prayed that God would increase our profits and show favor(yes Debby Romey, thats all you). We prayed for wisdom and understanding...we asked in humility, knowing that God absolutely called us to humbly ask for help in two areas that are usually difficult to open up about: God and money.

Rob and I not only need financial support for our adoption fees, we need prayer support~ desperately. There are so many aspects to adoption that many people, who are not in a process or ever considered one, have NO idea what I'm talking about. its not just money...its a complete issue of trust. Trust that when we are chosen by a birth mom that she is telling the truth about what she's done through the pregnancy regarding drugs and alcohol. Trust that God's going to guide us through every loophole and over every mountain. Trust that God's timing IS perfect. Trust that the child that once we are chosen is actually our baby. Trust that my prayers ARE heard and DO matter. God honors our hearts. He honors the hearts and mouths of the people who are praying for us while we wait. I admit it right now, I'm abit of a control freak. I like knowing things. I despise surprises. You can ask anyone, I hate being surprised...I mean I like the initial surprise because its fun for me, but knowing theres something that I don't get to know drives me NUTSO. That's why I found out as soon as I could what the sex of each of our kids was! So waiting through this adoption process, not really knowing anything about anything, has been very difficult. God has made huge steps with me in the area of trusting Him and His sovereignty.

So knowing that people have been receiving it and getting really good feedback was encouraging. But then I opened my email and found two emails that brought me straight to my knees in worship and gratitude. One was from a family that only my husband has met when he was in Montana for a men's retreat. This email was full of generosity and love. I'm still in awe over how much some people really open themselves up to God's leading and therefore, bless those whom God shows them. To the Paez's...a public THANK YOU. To those who are praying for us: a public THANK YOU. You cannot understand how much it truly means for us in this moment. What it means to us when we are seeking God on our knees with no timeline, no notice, no idea of what our next step is...especially while we are just WAITING. To those who have supported us financially through our garage sale and the donations provided...another public THANK YOU.

The second email I received was through the Elijah List with a word from Catherine Brown. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it too, would bless you greatly!

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested. 1 Chronicles 4:10 (NKJV)
Catherine Brown
Today, we continue our study of the life of Jabez, a young man who refused to accept a negative word spoken over his life and instead demonstrated to us the power of appropriating godly blessing through prayer and proclamation (click here to read previous word).
At this point it is important to lay a Biblical foundation of our understanding of God's nature and divine will in the realm of "blessing."
Strong's Greek #2127 Eulogeo (compound of 2095 and 3056): to speak well of, i.e. (religiously) to bless, (thank or invoke a benediction upon, prosper): bless, praise.
Strong's Greek #2128 Elougetos: adorable, blessed.
Strong's Greek #3106 Makarizo (from 3107): to beautify, i.e pronounce (or esteem) fortunate: call blessed, count happy.
Strong's Greek #3107 Makraios: supremely blest; by extens. fortunate, well off: blessed, happier.
The Origin of Blessing – The Father Heart of God for All Families
It has always been God's original intention to bless His children. Indeed the blessing of our Heavenly Father produces fruitfulness as an outflow of His presence and power operating in our lives. God's heart is to nurture and bless the family unit so that His glory may be revealed in all the earth.
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Genesis 1:28
In 2 Samuel 6:20 we read how David returned to bless his household after the ark of the Lord had been established and set in place. King David sent his people back home with a blessing and then he ensured that his own household was also blessed. David had a revelation that blessing is for all families everywhere!
God's Nature is to Bless!
I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you. Genesis 12:2-3
God's promise to bless Abraham and all the nations of the earth through His servant is first for the nation of Israel. However, since we (the Gentile Church) are, "heirs together with Israel, members together of one Body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus" (Ephesians 3:6b), we are all positioned in Christ both to receive blessing and to release blessing in the name of the Lord Jesus to the nations of the earth. Abraham was called into a covenant relationship with God, through which global blessing was released to all tribes and cultures.
The blessing of God is not limited to our nationality; our heavenly citizenship becomes a conduit of spiritual blessing to our natural lineage regardless of our culture or nationality. Our sonship in covenant relationship with God through Christ positions us to inherit a legacy of grace blessing.
Perhaps Jabez, who was described as "more honourable than his brothers," had discovered this priceless pearl, and his cry to God to bless him was the result of a personal encounter with God through which he came to understand he was heir of a promise of blessing of astronomical proportion!
The Father Loves to Bless!
Come, you who are blessed by My Father; take your inheritance, the Kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. Matthew 25:34b
Jesus spoke and demonstrated blessing, acknowledging that such blessing flows from the Father heart of God to His children. Jesus placed this blessing from His Father in the context of the Kingdom being graciously given in an inheritance to the children of God. We see a correlation here that those who are citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven are indeed heirs of blessing.
Furthermore, Christ's words establish a firm foundation that blessing is for a purpose. We are not blessed to be narcissistic in reception of such grace. Rather, as we are blessed we fulfil the Abramic mandate to be a blessing to all nations: "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you." Genesis 12:2-3
Jabez may also have gained some understanding by divine revelation about the aspect of blessing bringing increase as he prayed to God. In the latter part of his prayer, Jabez goes on to ask the Lord to enlarge his territory. Such a prayer ought to flow from a life that is yielded and walking in obedience to God, so that any increase that God grants is for the furtherance of His Kingdom on earth and not for selfish endeavour.
Reciprocal Blessing Flows Between Heaven and Earth
A quick search of the Psalms reveals that they are replete with many examples of God's people ascribing greatness, glory and blessing unto His name. We also see a clear principle being revealed in Scripture that blessing is reciprocal and flows between Heaven and earth. God blesses His people, and His people bless Him with hearts that flow with adoration and thankfulness. We are required to engage in the process of blessing God and acknowledging ongoing blessing from God.
I will bless the Lord at all times... Psalm 34:1
For You, Lord, will bless the righteous... Psalm 5:12
May we bless God with all our heart, strength and mind and experience the blessing of God in all that we do for His glory.
In His great love,
Catherine Brown
Founder/Director Gatekeepers Global Ministries
Co-Founder, Scottish Apostolic Networking Enterprise


Adoption? Really Lord?(From the first moment Part 1)

"I'm pretty sure God's calling us to adopt..." WHAT!? These were the words out of my husband's mouth that changed my life forever as soon as they were spoken. We attend Christ Community Church and our pastor was doing a sermon on how the Church needs to be caring for the orphan. They had this amazing series about AIDS children in Africa and I remember all of these darling children's faces smiling for the camera...some were not smiling, but all of their eyes said the same thing, "Will YOU love me?" I however, wasn't as moved as my husband was. I'm pretty sure the reason for that was that my plate was FULL. Duncan, our youngest was barely 18mos or so. Nataleigh and Isannah were 4 and 3...add another child? I think not...and I was happy to inform my loving husband that he must've been listening in on someone else's conversation with the Lord because He had told me NOTHING. Still, Rob was adamant, "Well, I feel it in my heart. I just don't think we are done having kids." Again I was happy to remind him that as far as I was concerned we definitely were and we had gone to special doctors for men to ensure that we were, in fact, DONE. But since my husband knows me so well he left it alone and over the next several weeks were were loaded with tons of information on foster care, adoption, foster-adopt...but still, I wasn't moved. That's not to say that my heart didn't ache for these precious little kids that didn't have a family, but the NEED to adopt definitely wasn't there.

It wasn't until another year later that I was even open to really talking about it. You see, God strategically placed me in a Bible study where all but 2 of the 7 women had adopted kids. Granted, their girls were all from China, but still He was slowly wooing me into the realm of adoption. (He was also wooing me, okay actually propelling me into homeschooling, but we'll talk about that at another time.) I'm not exactly sure how it happened really, maybe it was that Duncan was finally at the stage where potty training is more of a reality and not a threat...or that my kids were growing and not as dependent on me so I felt sucked dry of every life source...but there I was, actually contemplating what it would be like to adopt a child. So many questions screamed out in my mind...first of all how does one love a child that they didn't birth? Would I love this child the same? Could I? What would my biological children think? What does an adoption cost? How could we afford it? Important questions, but the one that stood out in my mind the loudest was: Lord, are you serious? Are you SURE I'm capable!?

It was then that the Lord began to work on my heart. He was constantly giving me reminders that yes, I was capable, and yes, He most certainly was calling me...even in the midst of my fears and doubts, He found me capable...was I willing to allow Him to use me?

It was at this point that God allowed me to be introduced through our church to a biracial family who'd just brought home their 2nd baby. I had met them briefly just 2 weeks before they had brought home their precious African American boy, but when I actually saw him my heart melted. Alright Lord, I'm not sure where we are going on this new path, but if its anything like this beautiful, dark skinned child waiting for us at some point, I'm ready to see what You've got up your sleeve! So around that time all my husband and I could really do was read material, start looking at agencies, talk to anyone who'd adopted, and pray pray pray. In February of 2010 Rob and I were laying in bed talking about names. It was 1130pm and Rob had to get up at 345am for his day shift. It was very odd that we were both still awake since he needed to be sleeping. Discussing baby names I had said, "I really like the name Caleb..." Out of nowhere Rob sat straight up and said "Oh my gosh!? Did you hear that??" 
 " It was the weirdest thing! You seriously didn't hear that!?" 
Okay you are starting to make me nervous; I really didn't hear anything? What did you hear? 
 "I heard 'His name will be Joshua.' but I don't think I really heard it with my ears..." 
Yeah, I am confused, what does that mean?  
 "You know, like Joshua and Jericho..."  And at this point he has flipped on his light and is grabbing his Bible and thumbing frantically to read the book of Joshua.  I'm still completely confused...its almost midnight and suddenly my husband is up and reading the Bible. Not only has this never happened, IT HAS NEVER HAPPENED. So as he's reading I'm trying to grasp what has just happened...thinking, hey I know EXACTLY what Daniel's friends felt like when God only spoke to Daniel and they were all praying right next to him!
Rob, all I'm getting right now is Veggie Tales Joshua stuff so, please tell me what on earth you are talking about?
"I don't know Sweetheart, all I know is that I need to read this right now. Joshua was called by God to march around a fortified city. That means that this wall is heavily guarded and thick, like 5 feet thick and its brick alright? And God told him 'walk around the city for 7 days and yell and I will give you victory'. So Joshua obeyed even though it sounded CRAZY and God made the wall fall on the 7th day. I don't know exactly why Holy Spirit said that in my ear, but I just need to read this now."

We had tried to start the process by getting all the necessary paperwork with an agency to do our home study and all the educational classes. But one little glitch: NO MONEY. I was so frustrated because I felt like, okay God, I'm ready to start, I'm ready to do this...why aren't things working out? Well because I had to learn that even though we think we are ready for something doesn't always mean that God agrees with us. So we were put into a time out. LOL I say 'time out' because there is nothing more frustrating or annoying to me than waiting! But being the magnificent God that He is, I was getting a front row seat on the roller coaster of WAITING. Most people will tell you, oh its not that bad, just save up and make a plan. Okay obviously you don't know me AT ALL. Our life isn't that way. We aren't hurting for money because we ALWAYS have exactly what we need, but we aren't having any problem with excess amounts either. When I'm ready to do something, I needed it done...oh like, YESTERDAY. My husband fears when I say 'project' because he knows that it will be done in the next 3 hours...even if he's NOT home to help. Move the couch from the basement to the girls room p 2 flights of stairs? No worries, I got it. New dresser that needs a paint job? Awesome, I bet I have exactly what I need...maybe. So I can almost hear God chuckling when he says, "Robyn, I'm so excited that you are willing to wait, even if you don't want to. But I need your heart to be completely flexible, even if it means waiting another year. Are you seeking my heart?" Wow, ugh, fine...*sigh* Let me tell you something...this last year the Lord has really changed my heart. Waiting IS doing something. I don't twiddle my thumbs and waiting actually makes me nervous and question. It brings doubt in and I'll have you know, renewing my mind and taking thoughts captive have never been so literal. On the other hand, I'm grateful for this last year. I've never been so sharpened or molded. Ive never sought the Lord so intimately and depended on His word and promises so greatly. Would that have happened if I wasn't forced to wait? Certainly not.


When I was born my mom said she picked my name because she was laying in the hospital and saw a big robin outside her window and decided that was the name for me. I was teased mercilessly throughout school. "Robinhood', 'Robin-redbeast', 'Rockin Robin' all became very familiar and annoying names. I remember sitting in Mrs.Glover's first grade class while hearing a book about birds during circle time and some dumb little boy turned around and said I had a red breast. Ugh...but once in high school my last name (Fyock; f-eye-ock) became more of the irritation. I will just let you use your imagination there. was great. Anyway. This spring we noticed that we had a TON of birds in our back yard. We have cotton less cottonwoods that have vertically taken off and I recently heard a neighbor refer to our back yard as the 'tree farm.' Either way we have one cottonwood that's right by our deck and while pulling weeds I saw something catch my eye and realized there was a robin making a nest. I was SO excited. I LOVE spring. Its my favorite season because you can literally watch as God brings forth new color and life. And it was a great way for my kids to see life tangibly in nature first hand. I spoke to my kids about how we had to leave the mama robin alone to make her nest or she would abandon her nest and we wouldn't get to see any babies or eggs. I tried to stress(and threaten) how important it was NOT to touch her nest as well. Within a week our robin laid eggs. I only saw 3 to begin with. I thought this was absolutely amazing.

Coincidentally during this particular time I was still struggling with God's timing and calling. Since Rob was the one that had heard the adoption calling first, I still was struggling from time to time with where we were in our process. I remember asking specifically many times, "Lord, are you sure this is what you have for our family? Are you certain that I'm capable of such a task? Sometimes I'm not sure that I can really handle the 3 that I already have!?" God speaks to me in really different ways. I think He enjoys confirming his plans for us, especially when He seems silent and we have all of our blocks up in the air without knowing what we are really supposed to be doing. On this particular day I happened to go outside and just check on our mama robin. My heart leaped out of my chest when I saw 4 beautiful blue eggs.
I heard God say,
"Yes, you are exactly where you need to be." I had one beautiful egg for EACH of my beloved children.

Adoption? Really Lord?? (Part 2)

February 2011. Tax season. We began to prayerfully consider beginning our adoption process again, but this time God had given us new direction with a different CO agency (Colorado Adoption Center), however the direction(Florida) was still the same. Okay Yep, and there it was as soon as we got our taxes back we began the process. We contacted CAC and LOVED everything about them. Home study, education classes, application done and paid for. It was a fast, smooth ride. Stressful? Of course, but God really used the previous year to teach me how to wait. We had finished our home study visits in just 3 weeks   and had been approved by our FL agency(Christian Family Services), and were given the green light to apply and be put on the their family waiting list. CFS doesn't want to have families waiting for a long time. This is why they only have a numbered amount of spots on a list for what an adoptive family is praying for. We were interested in only the Biracial or full African American babies. A boy is our first choice, but we are willing to prayerfully consider a girl as well. (That may sound hypocritical?...why? I don't think so. Did you know that the darkest skinned boys are the hardest to place? Why? Well I'll tell you why later) So we began our initial paperwork with FL.  

March and April and May sort of blew by. Beginning of May. We had to pay a few things off in order to begin the next step and get home study approved. CO allowed us to defer our final payment of $1000(post placement fees) but we still had FL fees. Their application fee is $250, which we did not have. We also had to pay a one time social service fee to FL of $2500...hey, look at that, we don't have it either! hahaha. Alright so as I tally it up...huh, oh my. Basically we need $3750. All I could really do is laugh. We do NOT have that kind of cash flow. One night I was talking with a friend and we were joking(or at least I was!) and I said, "hey, I might as well have a garage sale!" soon as the words were out of my mouth I tried desperately to suck them back in. No such luck. "Oh you totally should!" my friend chipped in. NONONO!!! I GO to garage sales...I don't HAVE them...they are stressful and I don't have anything worth selling!? Well see, that's where God decided to put in His 2 cents as well..."Robyn, do you trust me?" Oh man, is this a trick question...can it be rhetorical? "Yeeeessss...Lord...? I do but..." See there are NO buts with God...its a flat out question... DO YOU TRUST HIM? DID I?? Maybe that's why He says, "Let your 'YES' be 'YES' and your 'NO' be 'NO'."(Matthew 5:37 'Simply let your 'Yes be 'Yes' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.') Because saying 'yes' to a question of this magnitude is important and changes the course of your life. And the moment had come that I had to be honest...did I trust Him that much?

Okay, so here we go garage sale! But...what do I do? Friends of ours that began the adoption process last summer needed money for their adoption fees as well. So they announced that all donations were welcome. Hmmmm...should I do the same thing? Yeah, since I have nothing really to sell I better send word and prepare myself for whatever would be 'donated.' (This very thing definitely did come true since my husbands grandparents gave us an old camping port-a-potty...LOL oh yes...I sold that sucker.) Allow me to back up, I had just met my friend Michelle a WEEK before in Sam's Club and she graciously opened up their garage to store all the donated items that came in. We ended up filling her entire 2 car garage!!! The other interesting thing is that we sent word out for donations the first week in May...we had our garage sale on May 20th. This only left us 3 weeks to gather was NUTS!!! After speaking to my friend who had had their garage sale and learning she had several weeks to gather donations I felt sorely out of my league. "Ugh, this is going to never work, what am I doing??" I thought. But regardless, I knew God was pushing my 'trust' boundaries. So on a prayer I asked our friends, the Morgans if they had anything..."No," Cheri said, "but let me think on it for another day or so and I'll get back to you." PHEW!!!! I took that as a solid, "Good job Robyn, you obeyed me and now you don't have to do it.~Love, God"  HA!!!! BOY WAS I WRONG!!! Cheri texted me the next day saying I had to call her because she had some really 'cool' news for me. My stomach dropped..oh no..."You aren't going to believe this! Our friends are moving and have a bunch of furniture and stuff that they can't get into their moving truck and they want to donate it to your garage sale!! I told them what you guys were doing and they are so excited to help!" Indeed, they had A TON of furniture and donated all that they couldn't fit in their moving van. WOW...tears welling. And so it began.

It happened that way with just about everyone that donated. We had tons of furniture, clothes, odds and ends and yes, my favorite(besides the port-a-potty) a rubber bass mouth beer holder. Wow...Michelle and I giggled over that thing the ENTIRE garage sale and we laughed even harder when we sold it. So, to the person who donated that item...THANK YOU. It brought laughter and money~double whammy!!!

Three days before the garage sale it was solid rain. I nearly gave myself an ulcer worrying about getting rained out and then it hit me, kinda like a 2x4 across the head...God called me to obey, what is my trust issue here? Hmmm, I had no control over the weather maybe? oh yeah...but GOD DOES. I had this picture in my mind appear of blue sky without any clouds. It was beautiful. I knew that this was Gods way of telling me, "Relax Robyn, I gotcha covered." And then I saw the number '4.' I prayed through what the number meant and felt like God was saying that it wouldn't rain until after 4pm. So we got up on Friday morning to bring the last of the donated stuff to Michelle's house and sure enough, not a cloud in the sky. Throughout the entire garage sale people would comment on how we better hope it doesn't rain and I was able to tell them in confidence that God and I had talked and it wouldn't rain until after 4. And it didn' poured at 530pm. We had people see our sign for adoption and just donate $20, $10, $50 in our can. The one that stands out is a little Hispanic girl, about the age of 4 came up to me holding a quarter and whispered to me,"This is for your adoption baby..." How God works is absolutely beautiful. At the end of the first day we had raised $1521.52! It was so amazing. Let me also tell you that when we first began getting things stacked in Michelle's garage I clearly heard God say "I'm going to provide the full amount." Okay...what is the 'full amount' Lord? We needed $ I asked Michelle in a joking manner,
"hey, think we can get $3500 out of all this?"
 "well, I think you can definitely get $1000!?"
*sigh* Okay well...He did say the 'FULL AMOUNT' so...
At the end of the 2nd day(Saturday) the final tally was $1870. incredible for a garage sale...but Lord, I thought you said you were going to provide the full amount? We are a few thousand short? My parents had all of our kids for the weekend so Rob and I decided we wanted some Buffalo Wild Wings. It was around 930pm that one of my best friends called me..."Hey! How'd the garage sale go?"
"It really good went good! How are you?"
"Oh I'm just fine. Hey listen, I need your address."
"Because I am sending a check in the mail for Josh's $2500 enough?"

I broke down sobbing. I started convulsing on the phone and my friend was laughing in joy..LOL she knows me so well so she just let me get ahold of myself. All the while my heart screamed in humbled joy and adoration, "God...You do too much! My feeble human mind and heart cannot take that much blessing in one day." God never does anything the way I think he will do it. I was called to obey and while I opened my heart to him and obeyed He threw open the floodgates and poured out so much blessing that I literally felt like I was going to explode. We had not only the $3750, we had raised $4370!! We paid Colorado Adoption Center the $1000 we owed, and sent CFS a check for $3750 and used the rest towards other adoptions. Praise you Jesus, for your desire to show me just how TRUSTWORTHY you absolutely are.