Oh...Duncan...

I have been going through some of my oldest son's BEST thoughts...that he's verbalized...and if you ever need to laugh, continue reading.

Look how Cute he was!!!

* "Mom...have you ever seen a chipmunk dog?" "No son...Im pretty sure I haven't." "Well one bit my leg off." "Oh...did you get blood on your clothes? " "No..." Phew! Less laundry.

* my son is pretending to be a 'sword swollower' with his light saber...

* Duncan runs up to me, while at the barn park, "Mom! I have to poop!!"
"Son, are you serious? We need to go home 'cuz there isn't a bathroom!?"
Much wailing and fit throwing... "But Mommy~can't I just poop on the grass?"
"What!? No!"
"But Mommy, some one will just think it is a dog pooping?"
"No! No one will think its dog poop...we need to leave now."
WAILING "But Mommy!!!! I can just poop in the grass. I won't let anyone see my bum!?"

* apparently we are about to make alot of money when we reveal our dogs genius abilities...Duncan came inside from the back yard wailing. "What happened?" Duncan points to a welt forming on his forehead(that is actually bruised now) "Gus threw his chew toy at my head!" "Son...Gus is a dog...he can't throw things..." "But he did! He frew it at my head!" Wow...

* my son's interpretation of the car blinker "This way..this way..this way.."

* It had been a pretty rough day due to attitudes and Duncan had been in trouble almost all day. So as Rob came in from work he was greeted by Duncan at the back door..."Daddy, mommy kicked me in the head." I was behind him and looked at Rob, who had to keep from laughing, to which I replied that it was my new form of discipline.

* It was a LONG day and Josh had been a little stuffy and I am sure it was due to teething, but broke out the VICS rub just in case. That was my first mistake. Apparently all of my children, especially Duncan, have this insatiable need to use VICS...EVERYWHERE. So after calling Dunc back down after sending him up to get his jammies on, I realize it's been way too long and something is wrong. Suddenly my oldest son comes leaping out of the stairwell in a ballet type motion.  Obviously this alerts me to the still hidden issue at hand. That is when the menthol comes wafting in behind him...its so strong that my eyes begin to water and I also notice that Duncan is GLISTENING in the lamp light. It was in that 2.3seconds of realization that I also notice that my son is walking in a squeeze his legs together/bend/move in a gumby kind of way and I immediately tell him to go pee. "I don't have to pee mom! I'm telling the truth!" (We've been having issues where the truth is either forgotten or stretched) "Son, I can tell you have to go."  "I promise! I don't have to!!!" It dawns on me that the VICS rub was not confined to the glistening chest and arms my son was displaying. "Did you put VICS on your peepee?!?!?"  "Just a little!? I had a cough!"  OH MY GRACIOUS!? "SON!?!?! YOU DO NOT PUT VICS ON YOUR PEEPEE!? GIVE ME THAT JAR RIGHT NOW!"  Hopefully grandchildren are still an option because I don't know the effects VICs can have... "Mommy, can I have a booboo pack?" (this refers to an ICE PACK) And before I can say 'no wait' he has his boy parts out and applying a FROZE ICE PACK to the VICS effected area...which also activates the menthol...I wish I had a video recorder because I cannot stop laughing at the commotion and am frantically texting my husband through tears because I have NO idea what to do. Luckily a warm shower helped remove the rub and I do believe VICS will be something he steers clear of for awhile.

* Josh has some super cute elbow dimples goen on with his sweet, chubby arms. I had made mention of them a few times and thats when Dunc decided to make mention of them also..."Awe, Mommy...look how cute! He has the chubbiest arm nipples!" 

* "Mom!? Can we eat now?" (I look at the clock and it reads 12:03) "Yep..." "Awesome! Can I have a PP&J?" "Its not a 'pp' its a 'pb.'" "No, I really want a PP&J"  "Son, its not 'pp' because that should never be put together in a sandwich."  *big sigh* "Well, can I have a peanutbutter and jelly then?" 

* (While driving home from the store) "Can I have a dwink of water? I'm sooooo thursty!"  "Dunc, we are almost home. You can have a big glass when we get back."  "But mom!? I'm dying! I weely need a dwink!"  "Well if you are dying, let some spit pool in your mouth and swallow it."  "Mommy!? You don't understand! I'm actually going to die foh weel. I don't have enough spit." 

* Duncan singing* "Do you know the muffler man, the muffler man, the muffler man...do you know the muffler man...his fleece is white as snow." Me: Duncan...what are you singing? "I'm singing the muffler song mom." Me: Son, its MUFFIN MAN...not muffler man...do you know what a muffler is? "Yeah I do..." Me: okay, what is it? "Mom, its like a lollipop sucker thing that is like candy." Uhm...not quite...and where is the white fleece coming from???

* I'm sitting at my computer while the girls are doing school and Duncan is trying to entertain himself while he waits for the girls' next break. "Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes surh surh, three bags full. One for my mastor, and one for my dane, and one for the little boy who lives down the drain." Thats a sad little boy and I cannot quit laughing because Dunc was singing so nicely! LOL!!!

* Duncan usually has great ideas for his Halloween costumes and likes to be creative! Well when we got to the Fall Festival this year and trying to find a parking spot Rob was trying to convince Dunc to be William Wallace. "You could wear a cool Kilt and I'll even draw a cool tattoo on your arm!" "No, I want to be Indian Jones!" "No, not Indiana...hey, how about King Leonitis!?" "No! How about King Louis! (Jungle book monkey)" ~ Dad idea FAIL. 

* I'm standing in my kitchen in our new house and I can see straight out our family room to our covered patio where there is a worn porch swing. I'm suddenly aware that my son sounds like a paperboy addressing the public to the latest news flash...only this is what I hear: "Someone adopt me, for sale! Someone adopt me, for sale! Actually I don't know how to drive, but you can go get my mother!" 


* My son is extremely...how do I say it, INVENTIVE. He's a dreamer of sorts. I heard crying in our basement at our new house. Because it's a finished basement, I'm not worried that Duncan has hurt himself, but rather, hurt the house in some way. I went down the stairs to find him sitting on the floor. "Dunc, whats wrong?" "Mom, I stepped on myself."   "Where did you step on yourself?"  "I stepped on my...well, I stepped on my peepee."  "What? What do you mean?" "Mom!? It hurts. I stepped on my peepee right here...can I have a booboo pack?"  "Son, are you sure? And no, putting ice on your peepee will only hurt more."  Wailing "But I neeeed a booboo pack!" Shaking my head. "Call your dad."

*more to come...