There are times in my faith when I'm extremely dry and I wonder, okay Lord...where are You...or rather, am I off in the toolies? How did I get so far off track here that I feel so far form You; Lord, are you still there? In one of these moments I was driving, listening to the radio and trying to ignore the 3 older kids fighting over something stupid. Ugh, I don't know how deal with things all at once and it usually happens that the car is where my older kids erupt into nit picking at each other and its makes me crazy...so I do what any normal mom would...I turn up the music in hopes of drowning out their grating chatter. I even think how nice it'd be to drive a limo simply for the added benefit of rolling up that window that not only shuts out the sound from the rear end of the vehicle, but also provides an escape for the driver since it seems to be a solid partition. Yep, my kinda car!!!
Okay fine, so I struggle with my attitude regarding my life on these days...knowing FULL WELL that I did, indeed, ask God...even pleaded with Him at times to fill the rooms in my house. Now they are OVERflowing and going to Walmart was NOT the destination I wanted to go this particular day. However in my most grumpy moments I find that for some reason unbeknownst to me the Lord actually DESIRES to LOVE ME!!!! SERIOUSLY!? With my grouchy attitude??? Yep...and I love that He meets me exactly where I'm at...in Walmart with 4 cranky kids who don't want to be at the store either...doing dishes...pulling weeds...or my most cherished: singing my heart out during worship time in church. This gives me immense hope. It means that the Lord loves me and shows me abundant grace when I least deserve it, but need it the most. I'm SO grateful for His unconditional love in this manner.
I was sitting at the stop light, in the process of tuning out the squabbling and for some reason this song came on and it was like my WHOLE body listened...not just my ears, but my heart and soul...as if the Lord really had something to tell me in THAT moment. Captivated by Shawn McDonald came on and it was as though the Lord grabbed my shoulders to face Him and said, "Listen to this Robyn, I find YOU captivating." Clearly this song is about an individual praising God for the magnitude of His love and how we are captivated by HIM...but the Lord was saying, "No...I FIND YOU CAPTIVATING. YOU CAPTIVATE ME." I captivate you Lord!? How is that even possible!? The Lord picked me up in His loving arms and wrapped me in a hug and confirmed my fragile and broken and exhausted heart. He finds ME captivating. He sees me. He sees my hurts. He sees my heart...and He RESCUES me in the moments I'm desperate to feel His Presence.
Thank You Lord...