Whoops, I Did It Again...

I keep forgetting that I need to keep going with latest and greatest moments in our household. I think its because I have 4 small children that keep me busy enough that if I don't stay focused, whatever task I had set out to do gets forgotten. Oh well, so with that, I wanted to congratulate and praise my two girls. To their daddy & me, they are Nobel Peace Prize WINNERS. They are completely amazing little girls that give so generously with something they have an abundance of: HAIR!!!
That's correct, their hair! A few years ago, my girls had seen a few of their friends come into school and since I'm friends with these moms, I had asked where their daughter's hair had vanished to. Locks of Love was the word around the halls. So my girls had wanted to cut their hair and asked what Locks of Love was and so we looked it up online. Now, 8 years ago I had donated 17inches to LOL also and it was such a rewarding experience. (Rob had a conniption and heart attack when I walked in with a pixie hair cut...I can laugh now, but I think I may have cried at one point because I'd never cut more than 2 inches off my hair prior to this cut.) I think I'll eventually do it again. So I was very familiar with the organization and felt very good about the girls looking at this organization as a worthy cause. We picked a date and time and the girls chopped their hair for 'little kids with cancer.' (for a quick glance back, click on this link! Goldylocks and a Whole lotta Hair)

It has grown out A LOT since then, and even though people tried to warn us that their hair wouldn't grow back curly or it would somehow grow back tainted (SUCH ridiculousness!!!), it's absolutely as beautiful now as it ever was...if not even curlier than before. But we were again at a point where it was becoming a lot to handle and for some odd reason, they didn't want mom coming in to comb out their ever increasing rat-filled wet locks. And because it was SO long and SO thick for Isannah, it was absolutely unmanageable for her little arms. You can see how long their hair was! Isannah has very thick, heavy hair. Natty's hair is just as long, but much finer and doesn't seem to knot up the way Isannah's does. But still, its a scream fest whenever I have to go in with a comb and untangle the mess.

Isannah was the first to decide that she wanted to donate her hair again. We live in a different town now, and while I LOVED Christy, it would be a significant hike to go up there again. But looking back, we may have to make an appointment because Christy just rocks. It was about 12 hours after Nan's haircut that big sis decided that she also wanted in on the action. Much to her father's dismay, she chose to have a pixie haircut. Its VERY short...but with naturally curly hair like ours, a super short cut could be very BAD. I had to hold my breath because my oldest child is JUST like her mama...when she decides on something, come hell or high water, she's not backing down. Hair is one thing...it grows back...I'd rather she experience all that she wants with supervision and learning how to love her hair. It's literally JUST hair. And with locks like ours, its hard to have a bad cut every time. And it grows out relatively fast...so daddy gave the final thumbs up and we headed out to the salon for some major snipping.



 And then Natty went for it! I have to admit...this was the most hair I had ever seen my child have cut off...except for that ONE time when she was about 2yrs old, found scissors, and was quietly cutting her hair in a wedge and cutting Isannah's hair in a chunk kind of way...I was at the gym. Their father said that they were playing quietly and I said that was a dead give-away that something was NOT right. It was a bad day for the household. LOL

I'm seriously so proud of my girls. I'm not sure I would have done what they have when I was 8 and 9 years old. I find that when a child wants to give of themselves in such a generous and loving way, why would I stop them?


Oh my gosh, looking back a month or so, it's making me laugh at HOW SHORT Natty's hair was! When we got home, Rob was soon to follow and I was choking back giggles because his face was one of utter shock as well. I had been told, "Please don't let her go too short." But like I stated before, this is what Natty wanted. We looked at several 'pixie' haircuts and because of her curly mass, I had to convince her that she needed more of a Meg Ryan haircut because of the obvious~ Meg can make any haircut look super amazing and she has curly hair! And so this is what we ended up with. I think next time we may go to a salon with a little bit younger taste. However, I think she looks ADORABLE...and both of them look so grown up.

While in the midst of putting together our family book for our adoption process, I noticed the picture I posted up top on this blogpost...I miss her long hair...but I know she enjoys the freedom to take a shower without the drawn out process of doing her hair. Isannah's length is just long enough that its cute, but not as short, but still allows her the freedom to have it up and to enjoy the length without dread locks forming. Our water bills certainly display the water conservation of shorter hair! All in all, I think this will probably become the norm~ grow out hair, donate again. I LOVE this norm. It's one that REEKS of beautiful, GENEROUS hearts.

 Natty donated 17inches and Isannah donated 10inches

When You Least Expect It

I didn't think that I'd have much time to update my blog, but since I have a few minutes, I thought I'd encourage that one reader that is searching for something to read regarding the craziness that happens when you decide to engage in an adoption journey. Yes, its a wild roller coster ride of twists and turns, ups and downs, and you feel like you're going to throw up sometimes. But see, the cool thing is that you're completely safe, belted in with God's plan. Its when you come unbelted, mid twist, from God's plan and things get real UGLY, REAL FAST.

This time around Rob and I have been very specific in our prayers about being in the middle of God's will. When it comes down to it, the best way I can say this is: I'd much rather be on a roller coster ride IN God's will than outside of God's will. In fact, I can't think of anything more frightening. And quite frankly, the reality is is that it's not just my heart or my husband's heart that will be effected by this monumental decision...it effects EVERY single one of my kids...so four more little hearts that are waiting for instruction and discipleship from Rob and I. Timing is crucial and because we are within the three year mark, our fees are considerably less than they were with Josh. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration...the fees for Colorado are less than they were, but unfortunately, still more than we have and require enormous faith. Its strange though, this time around, we know we are in God's will, but the rate that He answers is somewhat overwhelming! What a silly thing to say? Uhm, I beg to differ. Aren't there times that you think, alright, I'm going to pray for this particular thing and hope that God answers you within a month...preferably within a week...but then it happens in hours and it sends you reeling like...HOLY CRAP!? This is exactly what happened with us this time around.

I have felt for a few months that time was coming up to the leaping off point. But for me, I need my husband to lead in this way...so I began to pray. I prayed for timing, I prayed for direction, I prayed for the Lord to direct my husband's decisions and give him Godly wisdom. I did this specifically in a hardcore chunk on a Sunday. God answered that evening! I play the 'well, maybe that was more me than God' card and began to think...nahhh...that couldn't have possibly been an answer so soon. On Monday, our friends giving us money to cover our application fees. HUGE. And again, I play my card again and doubt God's goodness. (Don't ask me why!? I don't know...I just doubt sometimes okay!? I don't take the obvious and accept it obvious!?) We decided that we'd wait for our tax refund and see what happens to cover the biggest fees due now...huh...weird...we had more than enough. But we had to pay for a few other things and would be about $1000 short. Okay Lord, if this is the way, and we are to walk in it...I guess I better start looking for dropped money on the ground...envelop of money in the door...right?

One of our best friends had called and said, "We feel lead to back you guys 100% with where God is leading you on this adoption journey. Be watching the mail." Oh...okay, wow...thank you! All I could think was...these are very good friends and I'm so blessed that they'd feel so strongly. Its been my experience in the past that whenever anyone says, 'hey yeah! This is awesome, we support you!' its more like, crap now we feel guilty and out of obligation to the slip of the tongue, we'll send you $15 in the mail. Please hear my heart on this...any gift is wonderful and we are so very grateful, because it is a blessing... but its hard to accept when it seems more like a sympathy gift or one given out of obligation, rather than wanting to give because you really want to. These friends have NEVER made us feel this way EVER, and we actually consider them to be our family, but because I'm also not friends with Brad and Angelina Jolie, I consider a support gift to be in the range of $25-$50. Yeah...God humbled me as I sifted through the mail and found their sweet card. I opened it up and out fell a $1000 check. I almost fell to the ground weeping. Just that morning I had asked God to give me the faith to walk in His will and to rest in the Hope that He gives me because He loves me. This was almost too much to bear. Man, when God pours out blessing, He does it so lavishly...and always when you least expect it.

Which is also irritating. Why do we even entertain the idea that God would do something and we'd 'least expect it'??  I've been a christian for a long time. I've only really matured in my faith in the last 3 years. If I'm praying in faith, and I have an intimate relationship with the Lord, why would I even NOT expect the Lord not follow through? I have read that verse in Philippians 4:13 where is says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." about a million times...but it wasn't until recently that it hit me while listening to a sermon through Bethel Church. The speaker said that if this verse says that I can do ALL things through Christ and it's Christ who strengthens me...well, that means I have to be weak. I have to be weak so that Christ can strengthen me...Christ will be my strength...I have to trust him if I'm going to be weak and know that He's my strength...and I have to be weak...awe crap...I don't want to be weak!? Being weak is such a struggle for me because that means I have to build my faith and intimacy with Christ. I'll be willingly and INTENTIONALLY putting myself into  situations where I have no other option BUT to trust. That's a lot. And God put that into practice the moment we chose to follow Him down the adoption path again.

Maybe that's one reason that our adoption journey is such a faith builder...we have to be willing to be weak so that Christ can make us strong...He can be our strength. So if you are just beginning the journey or you are in the middle of one and wondering if God has forgotten...no, He hasn't. He IS your STRENGTH. And He's not about to let you forget that...so...is this when you least expect Him to show you? Awesome! Prepare to get your socks rocked!

When God says, "be still." But your Human says, "AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

So if you read my last post, you were left with a possible question: Why is preparing for another post about another Riggins a spoiler alert...wait, you thought I mean another dog...LOL! Oh yeah, no. I'm kind of puppied out.

Ah ha! You're getting a new idea huh? Another...Riggins....GASP!? YOU'RE ADOPTING AGAIN!?

YEP!!!

Interestingly, we don't feel like we have enough? Weird. 

We like to keep the crazy going. LOL Rob and I had been talking about what it'd look like when we adopt. We have plenty of house for it now, so ...okay...when Lord? This last summer the kids and I drove up to Buffalo a little early to enjoy some time with our family up there. The girls were headed to Camp Bethel, but the desperately wanted time with their cousins, so we made sure they all had plenty of time to play and have their girl time. I had brought my painting clothes so Sandy and I could attack the starving walls. During our in depth color extravaganza, I was introduced to Graham Cooke and it was in this week that my spiritual growth drank a bottle of Miracle Grow. It was AWESOME. My whole spirit just soaked up everything Graham was teaching and I heard the Lord tell me many things. One of which was that there was another child...or two...

Well, this morning I woke up and I had a worship song in my head. I LOVE when that happens! And I was praying over the day and what had just happened this weekend...knowing that the reality is...we're going to adopt another baby. It's kinda like being in the fun 'let's try for a baby stage' with 86'ing the birth control and letting God do His glory. Except this stage for adoption means A LOT of paperwork...and anticipation...and TRUST. Man, this stage is the easy part...but having gone through an adoption already makes me wonder...what will this one look like? And when I say what will this 'one' look like, I don't mean my child...I mean, what will our process look like? As with ANY pregnancy, adoption is a process and each process and journey is completely different. So what will my heart look like at the end of this? What obstacles will the Lord securely walk us through? What kind of joys and tears will be see? I keep hearing over and over, "Trust in the Lord...be still and Wait." I also heard, "Rise up on wings like eagles." I had to sit and ponder this one because I didn't understand what that verse pertained to? Rise up like eagles? Huh? Well it is in reference to the verse in Isaiah 40:31. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary." Rob and I HOPE in the Lord. We don't have any other option. We also WAIT on the Lord and because we are focused on Him, He will renew us. It was like a sweet, whispered promise from the Lord that we will be able to rise up, fly up, like eagles...embracing and using the winds of faith. We KNOW God's got our family in a grip of grace.

That's about all I've got for now. I will update as we go along, but it could be awhile. I've already made calls to our agency directors and basically reserving our spot at the dinner table! LOL 

I will say this: Last night, one of my very dearest of friends, and her hubby, treated my husband and I out for a double date. It was WONDERFUL. Movie and dinner...CAN'T complain! She reached over and patted my purse on the outer pocket and said, "Do you ever zip this pocket closed?" Completely clueless, I looked down and back at her and said, "Nope, I usually just have a pen and my phone in here...?" She pats it again and says, "Yeah, but it feels like you have something valuable in there, you should probably zip it up." I'm oblivious to what she's trying to say to me, mostly because I do clueless  and I do it so well. "Well, I think I stuck some napkins in there..."  "Oh my gosh, Robyn! LOL Look in your purse for crying out loud, woman!" I stuck my hand in the open pocket to find a rolled up thickness...I see it is a solid roll of $20 bills. My whole body responded and I'm blinking tears back furiously. I had only started praying for God's timing last week and Rob and I were still only in the newest stage of asking, "HOW DO WE AFFORD ANOTHER PROCESS??" I looked at her through tears and she said, "There's your application fees." I want to shake her and say, "YOU WONDERFUL, CRAZY WOMAN!" But all I can say is a chocked up, "Thank you for everything."

God is so good. This is quite possibly the next 'stream in the desert.' 

No harm No foul

Alright, so its no surprise to any of you that know me that its been almost a solid 2 months since I've blogged anything. Its been a busy couple of months and it also seems that no matter how hard I try to get my rear in gear, something happens. I'm getting really good at switching my hats throughout the days...teacher, mom, referee, financial planner, event coordinator, taxi service, counselor, maid...you get the idea, I'm sure.

2014 came in in a SWOOSH! (without the Nike) No idea where this year has already gone. Obviously, after we get Joshua's birthday out of the way, it's fair game for whatever life throws at us! It's an adventure! I love adventure. Well, what I may have forgotten to mention was that we also got 2 puppies right before Christmas. We are fazing out Santa. I know that this is a delicate subject for a lot of families. Many of our friends still incorporate Santa in...some never did...some loathe the idea of Santa taking away from the meaning of Christmas...some love it. We are somewhere in the middle. We've made it clear what we believe about Christmas being all about Jesus, but there is something magical and fun to allow our kids to believe that there is a man with his reindeer, delivering gifts. ALL that to say, we also feel our older kids are at a point where they are old enough to know about Santa...so this year, we fazed Santa out ahead of time and got puppies as a family gift. 'Gift' is the word that makes me laugh because of how our dogs came to be apart of our family. We had been thinking about getting another dog since our beloved 10yr old Boxer, Gus, was put down in Nov 2012. I was not ready for another boxer, so we considered other breeds, specifically German Shepherds. We found a FANTASTIC breeder and the pups were only $800...the problem is that we didn't really think we could spring for such an expensive endeavor and decided to hold off until we felt comfortable paying more. That's when our wonderful neighbor called us and asked me if we were still looking for a puppy. I cautiously asked what kind of puppy it was..."a Pomwawa" WHAT IS THAT!? Its a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix...oh dear Lord, shoot me. Nah, we'll pass...well...the thing is is that the puppy is FREE. Okay, well that changes it up a bit...so I called Rob. I was choking in laughter just telling Rob, my large, manly, Marine, cop husband that we should consider this 'purse' dog. He vetoed it with flare.  Unfortunately it made the void of not having our dog seem worse and we looked at adopting a puppy because it was cheaper and we still wanted a dog. It was a couple days later that we were driving home from our friends' home and Rob asked if I was serious about considering this free puppy. I thought, okay, if the dog is still available, we'll look into it more, but if not~ no harm, no foul.

I rang up our neighbor, and sure enough, the puppy is really needing a home. So I called the lady fostering this pup and we decided to go ahead with it. That's when God introduced Lucy into our lives. She's actually considered a PomChi...and one would assume that she's a yippy, dumb purse dog...but she's not! Thankfully, she's smart and LOVES our kids. I honestly thought that she'd barely survive our household, however, she has brought so much laughter. SHE IS A SPAZ. She's about the size of a young cat, maybe 8lbs. She's not too yippy either, which has solidified her spot in the family. Lucy engages all of our kids and plays in a way that makes you forget that she's so small. Lord, have mercy, may we never have another little dog though. LOL!!! Lulu is special because we later found out that had we not taken her, she and 2 other pups would have been abandoned at 5 WEEKS old on the side of a road. NOT OKAY. (Update~ 3/20/14~ Lucy is actually NOT a Pomchi at all, she is a blonde Jack Russell Terrier.)

We had already put in our application for another puppy traveling from OK. We had been praying about this decision and felt such peace that we decided to continue on in the process. Thats when we met our next puppy, aptly renamed Rosy Riveter (thanks to Rob). She's a black cur/mastiff mix. She was 19lbs at 10 weeks old and we thought, yikes...better buy stock in dog food. (Update 3/20/14~ Rosy is looking more like a solid Black Mouth Cur...we aren't seeing any Mastiff yet.) Now she's almost 6 months and probably around 35lbs. She's SO CUTE. As you can see from the pix, she's about the happiest dog you'll meet. Her tail is constantly wagging and she is at your beck-n-call. The first couple of days she also thought she was a lap/couch dog...which had to be stopped immediately. I had never heard of a black mouth cur before, but I know the mastiff breed and they get HUGE and I'm not sharing my couch with a big dog. I've gotten plenty of crap from the family about Lucy being on the couch, but Lucy won't be more than 12lbs and is more like a cat...Rosy is going to be a tank and will do a lot of damage to my beautiful furniture! Let me also point out my CRAZY. TWO PUPPIES...that means 2x the house breaking...3 weeks before Christmas. Looking back, it could have been MUCH worse, but these two beauties decided that my most treasured room, my formal living area and FAVORITE place to have my time, was their personal poop box. WRONG~O. For the last few months, they've not been allowed anywhere but in the family room on their bed and the kitchen...everywhere else is blocked off. Just last week we took down the blockade to the stairs, but they are only allowed to be up there with supervision. It's EXHAUSTING!!!!

But the greatest news I have to date is that we are officially done with potty training. I think accidents will probably happen, however, there hasn't been any in about 3 weeks. Its wonderful. They are also crate trained and so I feel like there's a blanket of new 'normal' settling over our household. Its WONDERFUL. LOL I also think it's funny that Lucy's FAVORITE lap to be in is the man of the house...as seen here. She will enjoy any lap though because she's a lover. We laugh a lot because Lucy also gets the speeds and zings around the family room and it makes Josh angry because toys get taken in the drive-by doggy-ing. Maybe we should have named Lucy 'Swiper' instead! And Josh has little or NO tolerance for that kind of nonsense. Especially because Lucy likes to take Josh's Thomas the train items. Rosy just wants to sit and lick Josh while he's on the floor...I can understand. He's usually got food stuck to him or just looks like something that would be fun to lick. So she does. And Josh screams, "NO NO WOSY! QIT YICKING!" Or my favorite is hearing him admonish Lucy, "NO YUCY! I SAY NO NO!"


 Any way, we'll see how the grass does. I had to employ cayenne pepper to some of my flower beds...Rosy, in her finest hour of brilliance, ROLLED IN IT. She likes to chew on my bushes. This clearly doesn't work for me since we offer an assorted buffet of ANY CHEWY POSSIBLE...but these bushes seem to be the chewy of choice. It's irritating. It's in the irritating scale of when you buy your child a really expensive gift and all they really wanted was the BOX. Oh yiyi. Who thought that having 2 dogs was a good idea!? *smack my forehead* oh yeah me...Hey, I wanted my kids to have that void filled too!!!! (fine, maybe there was some selfishness involved.)

 At any rate...these are the newest Riggins additions to date. (yes, prepare...there will be more.)

HOWS THAT FOR A SPOILER ALERT!? LOL

Where Has Time Gone?

STRAIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!!!! Jeepers...

this was Joshua at his First Birthday!

Joshua turned 2 today. Good grief, its kind of sad and exciting all at the same time. On one hand I'm sad that my baby is getting so big, but I can't lie, 

I'm SO happy that we are in more of a toddler stage. He hit the busy stages early, even though he walked a bit later than some. He was couch surfing for a LONG time, but didn't actually let go until we moved into our new house, in July. I wonder if it's like the idea of how some of those goldfish that will grow to the size of their pond? Josh had very limited room to get moving without 3 referees stopping any sort of forward movement. Needless to say, he has a specific scream for each older sibling that pisses him off. The more 'loving' the sibling, the more ridiculous the sound. He could probably break glass if I had any wine glasses near him. YOWZERS. Its kind of funny...my dad has to turn down his hearing aids, otherwise Josh blasts him. I don't know if you've ever watched Bill Cosby Himself...there is a part in it when he describes the scenario in which an older sibling takes something away from the baby and he says that the adults leg will begin to shake and we have to seek out the sound of 'MINE! MINE' and you slap the older child upside the head and say,"Don't you hear her screaming!? Give it to her!" and the older child says,"But Daaaad, she has something that belongs to me!" and He responds saying, "She has things that belong to me too!" THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS IN MY HOUSE. Minus the slapping...its usually me yelling down the stairs to whoever is making Josh scream to give it back, whatever it is...good Lord!? *sigh* I love Bill Cosby. He says what every parent wants to say and can't, without being turned in to social services.However, one thing I've found to be true~ parenting is the hardest job you will love and hate equally...for many reasons...all at the same time.

So over the past year, I thought I'd be much better about blogging the highlights, but like many of my brilliant ideas...they never make it past my mouth or brain. Frustrating, but I will share some pictures and videos.

Walking was definitely a big deal. I was worried that I'd have to lug him around forever! LOL And this boy is HEAVY. Solid eating machine. He must be on a constant growth spurt because he can out eat his 6 year old brother. Josh is my meat kid. He will devour just about anything meaty you put in front of him...including oysters. GROSS. Our good friends joke with us about the teenage years since at a party this summer at their house, Josh mowed through 7 hotdogs...yes, SEVEN...   He is healthy and active and such a blessing.

I believe that ALL of my children are a blessing. Each one brings such joy to my life and it's been so fun to watch each stage of life. I wonder at times if I am enjoying Josh's toddlerhood a little bit more because I'm not bombarded with 2 other really little kids...and I'm glad that we are starting another adoption process when Josh is older. Its hard to imagine that not too long ago, Isannah came when Natty was only 11 months old! And then Duncan came when Isannah was just 22 months old. I was tired...A LOT...and I still am, but I have quite a bit of help. LOL

Josh is a RIOT. Oh my gosh...here is one we got of him just a few months ago. Whenever I'm having a grouchy moment or a sad time, I open this up and laugh with my big kids, because they think Josh is HILARIOUS.

Then there are other times that I think he's funny, but only because he's being annoyed by an older sibling and things haven't gotten too out of control yet. To say that Josh doesn't have a whole lot of patience is a bit of an understatement. He is NOT shy about letting you know that he's less than pleased. He's also very safety conscience. He MUST be buckled...in his highchair, in his carseat, at the grocery store, or any seat in general. Its kinda funny. He's such a goofball.  He loves to be the center of attention and definitely is the apple of his older brother and sister's eye. He is beginning to talk so much and it's so much fun hearing him mimic us. An avid Spiderman fan, he's quick to find ANYTHING to do with super heros.

Josh is in a train phase too. For Christmas, Rob and I got him a Thomas the Train ride along bike type thing. He had a gazillion presents under the tree, but because this bike was so big, we felt it would have been a waste of paper to wrap it and so it was the first thing he saw when he was woken up MUCH earlier than he preferred (he's more of a 930am kid and Christmas presents began at 7am~ GROUCHY BABY). So he saw 'Thomas' and that was it. I could not coerce him to even look at opening another gift and all the uncles and Grandma's coaxing ...even Grandpa's efforts to rip of wrapping paper would NOT work. He rode around on Thomas for about an hour and then after 3 massive meltdowns, we put him back to bed...and after a 3 hour nap, he still wasn't about to open gifts! He had Thomas and that was good enough. I considered keeping all the unwrapped stuff for today, but thought it would be cheating. LOL It was the true picture of contentment. He literally had 20 gifts under the tree for him...and he had the one thing that brought him sheer joy~ Thomas the Train bike.

This last year has been such a FUN year. Its been jammed with so many new adventures and wonderful memories that its strange that we are already in another one. I can't believe that my baby is already 2...just blows my mind. Reminds me that tomorrow will mark the second anniversary of getting the THE CALL. What a WILD adventure! Last night I was thinking back to the complete lack of order and the chaos of trying to 3 children ready to go so Rob and I could drive 2900 miles to get our new baby clear across the country...starting with driving through a blizzard at night. LOL Good grief! And now looking at it from this side, 2 years later...it's overwhelming to see the love of God and His extraordinary grace. 

From this 

TO this!

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY JOSHUA!!!! WE LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!

Playing with Permanent Markers

Ironically, no...it wasn't one of my children! (Davida~ and it DEFINITELY WAS NOT Duncan in my car!) 

 That's right, IT WAS ME! (insert Jim Carrey's voice from Liar Liar) 

I am 32 years old. I have always been the rebellious child and the kid that pushed ALL the limits. I have 4 brothers. I'm the ONLY one who's ever broken a bone...well, technically my younger brother broke part of his tailbone area playing football, but I take that cake. My parents will tell you that I also did these bone breaking activities while they had no insurance and usually in an extreme attempt to get out of moving. I plead the 5th on that one, although it did come in handy to get out of packing and moving boxes. Lets not get off track too far here. 

By pushing the limits, I will admit that I'd go and get my ears pierced in the uncommon areas (according to my dad) and I usually sprung it on them when we were in public. I can't help it that my children will have no chance of getting away with things. I LOVE my piercings. I have had my ears done many times, my belly button several times (yeah that was short lived because pregnancy and belly rings = DISASTER. Plus, I believe you grow out of the navel.) I will also admit that I've had my tongue done a few times also. And then my last piercing was my nose, which I still have and alternate between studs and hoops...

What you may not know is that I'm TERRIFIED of needles. Absolutely terrified. I almost faint every time I have to have my blood drawn. The tears that are uncontrollable as I'm hooked up for an IV are just something that I now warn my prep nurses about. The last lady that came to draw blood for our life insurance policy actually forcefully told me to breathe while she filled the vile. You'd think that will all the needles I've encountered in my life I'd be completely fine with it!? IT'S RIDICULOUS. Which is why, when I decided to get my first tattoo, my husband just laughed at me. 

Yep...ink. And guess what!? IT WAS AWESOME!?  

I won't say that I just came up with it on my own though. One of my best friends MADE me do it. LOL!!! Okay, fine, not really, but she definitely made it hard to say no...and then we decided that this was something we were going to do to celebrate this time in our lives. I'm so glad this is what we did. Nothing really says, "PERMANENT" like a tattoo. I've wanted to get a tattoo for a long time. There have been many times that I've almost done it, but chickened out....again, the needles part. I've been on the search for a good tattoo parlor anyway and since my hubby also has a thing for tattoos, I've been privy to many things I want to be aware of and stay away from. For one thing, I'm extremely sensitive to the feel of a place. I can tell right away the kind of people that dwell in a store or parlor. Since I've had so many piercings, I've seen some really creeeeeeeepy places. But this was a little different, and I needed to feel comfortable where we went. My friend and I were at Target and since the time was getting close and we needed to make a decision, we were scoping out art on everyone we saw. You can tell a lot about an artist by the lines and hey, I've been watching the last 2 seasons of Ink Master, so I'm pretty well versed! (LOL RIIIIIIIGHT) However, I've been paying attention and an artist that enjoys their work and is professional is important and it shows in their work on YOUR skin. I'd say, make sure you choose someone you have a connection with. Anyway, back to Target, because I'm here to tell you that Target always promises to deliver awesomeness. We were checking out and saw that this checker, Whitney, had a REALLY spectacular tattoo. The lines were so clean and it was a well done piece of art. So we asked her where she went and then her friend, who also works at Target, whipped up her sleeve and showed us yet another superb tattoo. I needed to meet this artist. So we were introduced to Blaine, at Deeds of the Flesh in Thorton. I called and immediately was able to joke with the lady who answered the phone because when we were given the name of the artist to check out, it looked like "BlainO" so that was hilarious. I was able to speak to Blaine and Rob and I went down to check it out. I was SO impressed. It was clean and open and everyone in there was professional, but so laid back and easy going. The owner is a woman name Tiff, and she and her hubby have owned the shop since 2007. Since I was a virgin in the tattoo world, they were really helpful and I HIGHLY recommend them. I'll be going back to Blaine for my next tattoo.

 Ugh, its true, once you get one, you want more. Blaine was HILARIOUS and really made my first experience an amazing one. 

So this is what I've got. Remember that every tattoo is EXTREMELY PERSONAL and mine definitely has a story.

"Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" I said, 'Here I am. Send me.' " ~Isaiah 6:8

The last couple of years have been very spiritually intense for me. I have fought many battles and God has been asking me recently, "Are you willing to go? Will you OBEY me?" And its been TOUGH! For anyone to tell someone else where they should be in their spiritual walk with God or to judge them for doing or NOT doing what that person thinks the other person should be doing is outright ridiculous. NO ONE gets to tell ANYONE what they should or should not be doing in their spiritual walk because guess what, NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Walk in your own shoes because you only have two feet and clearly God gave you your own to walk with. Walk beside me and show me God's grace and speak God's truth in love~ meaning, you may tell me how God has created me in HIM and that because I'm one of Jesus' creations, I'm not bound by responding out of my fear or anger...its definitely NOT pointing out all the things you see wrong about me. That's NOT the truth in love, that's not speaking life, rather its speaking curses into my life and you do a lot of damage. In fact, you absolutely go against Jesus' very definition of being a light to the world. So I believe thats where the whole 'pull the log out of your own eye before you try to remove the speck out of mine' thing comes in here. This is something I come across often. A lot of people feel they are entitled to judge you because they wouldn't do whatever it is the way you've chosen to do it. It baffles me really, especially when it's people who call themselves 'Christians'. Where is grace to grow in the Lord at your own pace? Somehow God is alright with each of us and allows us to encounter Him WHERE WE ARE IN OUR WALK WITH HIM. Its people who seem to feel they need to express their opinion (uninvited I might add) or 'fix' things because apparently they need to involve themselves. I have to laugh now because I've had to learn to let it roll off my back. God knows my heart and He works with me through the issues that I have and is not concerned that I'll never recover, contrary to what anyone else thinks. We all have issues and the Lord deals with ALL of us in His time because we are all different. Ah, the Love of a Father who truly is in control of all things.

SO when I was having my quiet time I was lead to this verse in Isaiah...and again I heard the Lord ask me, "Are you willing to obey me...Will you go where I send you?" And BAM. I ran and got my concordance with the Hebrew conversion and found the exact translation for this verse. In that moment my soul connected with this idea..."SEND ME."

I will go and this was something I could NOT forget and I knew I'd always need that reminder of making that commitment to the Lord's calling...

HERE I AM LORD, SEND ME. 

Thankfulness...from a New Perspective

I have to come to realize why Thanksgiving may be my new favorite holiday. And NO, it has NEVER been in the past. I will honestly admit: I hate turkey. I will admit: I HATE cranberry sauce. I also used to HATE it because it meant having to make every extended family member happy and if there wasn't equal time spent with whoever then it meant complete stress...to the point of never wanting to celebrate (if that was even what you'd call it) another holiday again. Just unbearable. At the dinner table (once we actually made it there ALL together and ALIVE ~I will devulge in a moment), my dad expressed something that was said in his office earlier that week. "He said his favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it means that there's no stress of getting gifts, no money issues, no commercialism...just the pure enjoyment of friend's and family's presence." It stopped me in that moment while I looked around the table at my 4 beautiful children and my husband sitting next to me, my brother making a joke at the end of the table and my parents joy-filled faces, WOW...that is so true. There's nothing to commercialize. The only thing thats really on tv is trying to get someone to buy a turkey...which is dumb. Thanksgiving usually means the onslaught of continuous Christmas commercials and society parading Christmas gifts like getting a 75" tv is going to mean all your dreams come true...its disgusting really. It's offensive. 'Be a good parent, get your kid everything they want...' because we don't have enough self centered children out there anyway. I will refrain from saying exactly what I think about all that...but it makes me sick.

SO back to Thanksgiving. Let me tell you why I was thankful...

This year we chose to have it at my parents house. They live in a very nice, up-scale neighborhood west of Denver. There are young families all over and its not uncommon to see kids riding alone or playing all over the streets and small parks sprinkled throughout. The only thing that is a concern of mine is that its not that far from a few MAJOR roads. We got to my parents' house around noon and I began cooking right away because I had several things that needed to be baked and that meant I'm on the clear other side of the house and not really around windows to watch where my kids are playing. Since my parents have lived here for more than 10 years, we know the neighbors and all their kids and my kids know that they aren't allowed to leave the culdesac area. I remember looking out the window and seeing Duncan race off on his bike and thinking, 'I hope he watches out for any cars.' About 2 hrs later I heard my mom tell the girls to go get Duncan so we can eat...and I heard "we haven't seen Duncan." While this isn't uncommon to hear...this time it sent a surge through me...something was wrong. He hadn't been in to get water or a snack and he hasn't eaten since breakfast because we eat in the middle of the day for Thanksgiving...then I heard Rob get up and get the keys.

OH CRAP. I grabbed the multi-colored handtowel to wipe off my hands and I ran outside to the front yard...I watched my dad go to the neighbors across the park and I saw my brother take off on his bike and heard Rob speed off in our car...PANIC SET IN. WHERE IS DUNCAN...so I ran to all the neighbors that I knew had boys Duncan's age...the worst words ever uttered fell from my mouth in sheer terror, "HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON!?" Oh my dear God...I'm unable to hold back the tears now and I'm running down the street, screaming for my son. A mom leaving their home saw me and came to screeching halt in their SUV, "Are you okay!? Whats going on?"   "Its my son, Duncan, have you seen him?" She had not and nor had her older son, but they had joined forces with us and sped off to drive down streets, looking for a little 6yr old boy with black glasses, a green shirt in jeans, riding a red bike. Where could he have gone? Surely he can hear my shrill voice SCREAMING his name...?! (everyone else can, otherwise they wouldn't be coming out of their homes...right?) My parents live kind of in the middle of the development...but I SPRINTED, in my 4 inch knee-high boots to a park probably a 1/4 mile away. I saw a large group of people and began screaming at them, begging them to say that they had seen my son. Apparently, this group had some South African's visiting because the one guy kept telling me to calm down. I almost punched him in the throat. A woman with a cell phone ran up to me and told me to talk to 911...I completely lost it at that point. I think I was hyperventilating because I was light headed, out of breath, and could barely talk. There were so many thoughts running through my head. Where was he? Was he taken? Was he safe? Was he hurt? Who would do this on Thanksgiving? What kind of sicko has my child? Will I ever see him again? What will happen to my son? OH MY GOD...I'm married to a cop...I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO CHILDREN THAT ARE ABDUCTED!?!?!? Why hasn't anyone seen him!? PLEASE GOD, NOT MY BABY!!!

The dispatch was PHENOMENAL. She kept asking me questions...the same questions I think, because it kept me thinking past my own horrific fears and on the facts of the present. What was he wearing? What does he look like? Does he have any allergies? Where do I think he may have gone? Don't worry, 6 officers are on their way to you right now. It was horrifying because I honestly had not seen my son in 2 hours...what kind of a parent can say that?! I always know where my kids are and I'm basically an overbearing parent at times because I'm anal about knowing who they are with and where they are...yikes, now my children are screwed because I'm completely paranoid after 20minutes! LOL My husband saw me off one of the main roads and stopped in the middle of the busy road to run to where I was and thats when I realized how scared HE WAS...that intensified my hysteria. My husband does NOT show emotion really...never in public. His sunglasses were down and he was wiping his face...and then I hear dispatch tell me to breathe also and thats when my brother rode up on his bike, "Robyn!!!! DAD FOUND HIM!!"   "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SURE!??!?!?!"  "YES~ I WATCHED HIM LOAD UP THE BIKE!" I'm not sure if I said anything except, "HE WAS FOUND! Oh my God, my dad found him!!!!" And I remember handing or throwing or maybe even tossing the cell phone to someone and running out into traffic to my own car. (To the woman who called 911 for me, THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for not telling me to calm down, but rubbing a complete stranger's back and arm and trying to show some sort of comfort in a situation such as this. Thank you for being apart of my nightmare, understanding that a hysterical mother doesn't need to be told to calm down, rather standing with me as I pace and sob that my child is missing and I can't do anything about it. If you ever see this: I will not forget your kindness and I pray that God blesses you richly.) Rob grabbed my shirt to hold me back from getting hit...and as we jumped into the car I shook with sobs of relief and gratitude that God had spared my son from a lifetime of hell or a certain death. My husband held me and we sobbed together that we would see our son, safely, in just moments.

 I didn't even wait for the car to stop, I just dove out of the car as we pulled up in the driveway. I ran through the front door to see my son, looking rather pathetic and terrified that he was about to receive the largest spanken of his life! I went to my knees before him, grabbed him and held on. I couldn't even say words because I was sobbing. I just know that he heard, "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN. YOU SCARED MOMMY TOO DEATH. DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN." My parents had to leave the room because well...my mom can't handle seeing anyone bawl and when Rob started to cry...it left the room a complete puddle. A spanken wasn't even necessary because the sheer magnitude of the realization of his actions had enough of an impact on Duncan. And hearing that his bike was going to be put up until he earned trust back...thats a huge chore there.

Now you can understand why this year 'Thanksgiving' had new meaning...I think so often we forget to stop and thank God for the blessings we have. Especially our children. As a stay at home and homeschooling mom, I'm with my children CONSTANTLY...and there are times that I beg God for a short break from my kids. But this was literally the WORST feeling in the world. DISASTER. I pray for mothers and fathers who don't get the reunion they beg for with their lost children. It definitely changes ones perspective after a situation like this...and it will be something I will be thankful for because it reminds me that every day is a gift.