I didn't think that I'd have much time to update my blog, but since I have a few minutes, I thought I'd encourage that one reader that is searching for something to read regarding the craziness that happens when you decide to engage in an adoption journey. Yes, its a wild roller coster ride of twists and turns, ups and downs, and you feel like you're going to throw up sometimes. But see, the cool thing is that you're completely safe, belted in with God's plan. Its when you come unbelted, mid twist, from God's plan and things get real UGLY, REAL FAST.
This time around Rob and I have been very specific in our prayers about being in the middle of God's will. When it comes down to it, the best way I can say this is: I'd much rather be on a roller coster ride IN God's will than outside of God's will. In fact, I can't think of anything more frightening. And quite frankly, the reality is is that it's not just my heart or my husband's heart that will be effected by this monumental decision...it effects EVERY single one of my kids...so four more little hearts that are waiting for instruction and discipleship from Rob and I. Timing is crucial and because we are within the three year mark, our fees are considerably less than they were with Josh. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration...the fees for Colorado are less than they were, but unfortunately, still more than we have and require enormous faith. Its strange though, this time around, we know we are in God's will, but the rate that He answers is somewhat overwhelming! What a silly thing to say? Uhm, I beg to differ. Aren't there times that you think, alright, I'm going to pray for this particular thing and hope that God answers you within a month...preferably within a week...but then it happens in hours and it sends you reeling like...HOLY CRAP!? This is exactly what happened with us this time around.
I have felt for a few months that time was coming up to the leaping off point. But for me, I need my husband to lead in this way...so I began to pray. I prayed for timing, I prayed for direction, I prayed for the Lord to direct my husband's decisions and give him Godly wisdom. I did this specifically in a hardcore chunk on a Sunday. God answered that evening! I play the 'well, maybe that was more me than God' card and began to think...nahhh...that couldn't have possibly been an answer so soon. On Monday, our friends giving us money to cover our application fees. HUGE. And again, I play my card again and doubt God's goodness. (Don't ask me why!? I don't know...I just doubt sometimes okay!? I don't take the obvious and accept it obvious!?) We decided that we'd wait for our tax refund and see what happens to cover the biggest fees due now...huh...weird...we had more than enough. But we had to pay for a few other things and would be about $1000 short. Okay Lord, if this is the way, and we are to walk in it...I guess I better start looking for dropped money on the ground...envelop of money in the door...right?
One of our best friends had called and said, "We feel lead to back you guys 100% with where God is leading you on this adoption journey. Be watching the mail." Oh...okay, wow...thank you! All I could think was...these are very good friends and I'm so blessed that they'd feel so strongly. Its been my experience in the past that whenever anyone says, 'hey yeah! This is awesome, we support you!' its more like, crap now we feel guilty and out of obligation to the slip of the tongue, we'll send you $15 in the mail. Please hear my heart on this...any gift is wonderful and we are so very grateful, because it is a blessing... but its hard to accept when it seems more like a sympathy gift or one given out of obligation, rather than wanting to give because you really want to. These friends have NEVER made us feel this way EVER, and we actually consider them to be our family, but because I'm also not friends with Brad and Angelina Jolie, I consider a support gift to be in the range of $25-$50. Yeah...God humbled me as I sifted through the mail and found their sweet card. I opened it up and out fell a $1000 check. I almost fell to the ground weeping. Just that morning I had asked God to give me the faith to walk in His will and to rest in the Hope that He gives me because He loves me. This was almost too much to bear. Man, when God pours out blessing, He does it so lavishly...and always when you least expect it.
Which is also irritating. Why do we even entertain the idea that God would do something and we'd 'least expect it'?? I've been a christian for a long time. I've only really matured in my faith in the last 3 years. If I'm praying in faith, and I have an intimate relationship with the Lord, why would I even NOT expect the Lord not follow through? I have read that verse in Philippians 4:13 where is says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." about a million times...but it wasn't until recently that it hit me while listening to a sermon through Bethel Church. The speaker said that if this verse says that I can do ALL things through Christ and it's Christ who strengthens me...well, that means I have to be weak. I have to be weak so that Christ can strengthen me...Christ will be my strength...I have to trust him if I'm going to be weak and know that He's my strength...and I have to be weak...awe crap...I don't want to be weak!? Being weak is such a struggle for me because that means I have to build my faith and intimacy with Christ. I'll be willingly and INTENTIONALLY putting myself into situations where I have no other option BUT to trust. That's a lot. And God put that into practice the moment we chose to follow Him down the adoption path again.
Maybe that's one reason that our adoption journey is such a faith builder...we have to be willing to be weak so that Christ can make us strong...He can be our strength. So if you are just beginning the journey or you are in the middle of one and wondering if God has forgotten...no, He hasn't. He IS your STRENGTH. And He's not about to let you forget that...so...is this when you least expect Him to show you? Awesome! Prepare to get your socks rocked!