Okay so I admit, I haven't taken as much time to blog as I had previously wanted to. BUT I will say that with 4 children the phrase "I wanted to" is basically limited to taking a shower by myself, sleeping a full, consistent, uninterrupted 6 hours (although we are SO CLOSE!!!), oh and keeping up with laundry. Yeah, so, I occasionally skip along with Alice in her finished laundry Wonderland. LOL Don't misunderstand, I LOVE my life...absolutely would not change it...but the routine I had previously established and functioned under is not only gone with a 'd'...its completely reconstructed. Shoot, can I add in there a clean house? Wait, no, that hasn't really ever been something I have really had...but when I leave my house I picture it being the kind of clean that I've always wanted. HAHA (just go there with me for a moment...its a survival method I've had to use in order to think that SOMEDAY my house may actually remain clean!)
Wow, so 4 children was never something I saw myself having. I always shake my head and think to myself that those dumb 'think of yourself in 10 years' school activities never really prepare you for what will REALLY be happening in 10 years. Like when we go to the pediatrician's office and I'm hauling my kids in and I'm startled when I count them. I don't know why, but each time I'm shocked, like, wait, were there this many when I woke up this morning? Uhmmmm, I'm still trying to wake up. I remember thinking a few times before we received that AWESOME phone call that Josh was born that I was so lucky to sleep in until 9am that I really had better enjoy it...oh and believe me, I DID!!!! It was as though God was giggling to Himself because He knew what was coming. ;) I love how He works...while the sense of humor is irritating at the moment the 'funny' hits, but now, looking back, I'm laughing too. Culture shock is now redefined for me in the experience of going from 4 year old to INFANT. If you have ever done it, its HILARIOUS...mostly because you are so sleep deprived all you can do is laugh!
Josh has been in my arms since January 9th. I'm still in awe that this precious baby is here...FINALLY. I can sit and look at his chocolaty brown plumpingupfast cheeks and thank God for every moment I've had him. That wait? SO.WORTH.EVERY.MINUTE. I have many friends that are in that DREADED waiting process or just beginning their journey, but who have already adopted and KNOW that waiting phase. UGH...I'm constantly praying for their hearts and MINDS while they wait for God's green light. I'm just saying right now, for the record, SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT PHASE AGAIN. On the 6th of April he will 3 months old...where has the time gone!?!? Not only is this beautiful little boy growing like a WEED on Miracle Grow, he has begun to make eye contact and coo...*sigh* the kind of things that melt my heart. He also has an incredibly good set of very STRONG lungs. Just ask my friends who have had the unfortunate pleasure of being on the line when he chooses to exercise them! Yikes, when this kid is hungry, LOOK OUT PEOPLE; GET A BOTTLE PRONTO. GOOD HEAVENS. I recently found a miraculous little bottle of Heaven called Gripe Water. Oh my gosh, if your kid gets hiccups, is gassy, or tooty...INVEST NOW. Josh seems to get gas bubbles in his tummy and no matter how well I burped him after his feedings it wasn't helping. I don't remember my older kids getting gas like he does, so this was a whole new world for me. And I fortunately had a friend who's baby suffers from the same kinda thing, but was informed by her friend who's baby had colic...so this stuff must work in many realms! I just have to say, if you are considering adoption and are worried about feeling connected to your baby or fearing that 'it won't feel the same,' please read more stories of families who have adopted...you will see that YOU FORGET THAT YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY BIRTH THIS CHILD. Yeah, I know he's black, but I was laughing with a friend who has black children too...when I'm looking at Josh and then I look at Duncan, its like my eyes have to adjust to Duncan's skin color because I literally forgot that Josh WAS different. I know, it doesn't seem possible, but truly, I'm waiting for it to sink in as well. ;)
So, are we getting into a routine? PRAISE.JESUS.YES. Oh my gosh...when we were in FL we weren't really in a normal situation and therefore anything before getting home doesn't count. The first 4 weeks Josh had his days and nights swapped. HOLY EXHAUSTION. I can honestly say I have never been so tired in my whole life. Its emotional enough just adopting and life that comes with the ups and downs, but add in no sleep? Yeah, I'm already a sleep whore and not getting my normal 7-10 hours knocked me straight out. CRIPES!? Fortunately nap time came and Rob was amazing and let me sleep. We took turns sleeping with the baby and being out with the older kids, but holy crap, I'm so thankful that he now has his days and nights in the right spot.
LOL!!!! I remember my older kids getting mad and having the 'witching hour' (which was actually not just an hour, but more like 3), but the complete 0 to 90 with sound and gusto was not something they had. I guess being the 4th kid he feels his needs will NOT be taken lightly, nor within a softer decibel range. YIKES.
I think if I were to be asked how it feels to have another baby (okay, not 'if' but when I'm asked) I have to honestly say that it has kicked my...butt...BIG TIME. I forgot how much work babies were! Natty and Isannah are less than a year apart and then Dunc is just 22 months younger than Isannah so I was in 'baby' stage for like 4 years. Nursing and/or pregnant. I look back and think, holy crap, how did I manage to survive!? I didn't realize how crazy I was then!? Even now its still a juggling process of trying to work around schedules and sports and school activities...finding quiet time...NOW THAT, dear friends, is hilarious. When I get a quiet moment I'm jumping in the shower as fast as I can or sitting on the couch with a blank stare and drooling. I basically want to high five anyone in the face to tells me that I'll blink and it'll be gone, or to enjoy these years...When my children are all tired and cranky and I'm tired from not sleeping, or from being sick along with my baby, I don't actually find 'joy' real fast. I don't really find anything real fast, but joy is definitely not what I jump to first. Especially when my older son is peeing out on the driveway or the squabbling that happens between siblings. YOWZERS. I'm learning that my children definitely do learn by example and its my job to lead them in many things. Its so very difficult when I'm weak or tired and cranky. But then I remember that the Lord is sufficient for me and He meets me where I am and puts everything aside and will hug me and tell me that its going to be okay and like my beloved Granny says, "this season shall pass." Which reminds me that He loves my children more than I do and is also sufficient FOR THEM. If those people say that you blink and its gone, why isn't it working for me, or should I double blink with one eye and turn around and do a cartwheel after I blink with the other...? Obviously I'm not blinking right because I'm still in the thick of it.
I laughed today when a very dear friend of mine says that I give her baby fever...well and who wouldn't around such a deliciously cute baby such as Josh is? And then as we are getting out of the vehicle to go into a store and Josh is hungry and crying, I have to strap on my diaper bag and pull the ginormous infant car seat from the car I remind ANYONE and EVERYONE WHY they are so happy to be beyond the infant stages! LOL Truly, I'm not complaining...because I asked God to bless us with another child and bless us He most certainly DID ~ I have one! But that doesn't mean that suddenly life is all rainbows and skittles...its still hard, its still an adjustment, its still living by faith.
A few more things that I wanted to say...wait...crap, I lost my train of thought...