When You Least Expect It

I didn't think that I'd have much time to update my blog, but since I have a few minutes, I thought I'd encourage that one reader that is searching for something to read regarding the craziness that happens when you decide to engage in an adoption journey. Yes, its a wild roller coster ride of twists and turns, ups and downs, and you feel like you're going to throw up sometimes. But see, the cool thing is that you're completely safe, belted in with God's plan. Its when you come unbelted, mid twist, from God's plan and things get real UGLY, REAL FAST.

This time around Rob and I have been very specific in our prayers about being in the middle of God's will. When it comes down to it, the best way I can say this is: I'd much rather be on a roller coster ride IN God's will than outside of God's will. In fact, I can't think of anything more frightening. And quite frankly, the reality is is that it's not just my heart or my husband's heart that will be effected by this monumental decision...it effects EVERY single one of my kids...so four more little hearts that are waiting for instruction and discipleship from Rob and I. Timing is crucial and because we are within the three year mark, our fees are considerably less than they were with Josh. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration...the fees for Colorado are less than they were, but unfortunately, still more than we have and require enormous faith. Its strange though, this time around, we know we are in God's will, but the rate that He answers is somewhat overwhelming! What a silly thing to say? Uhm, I beg to differ. Aren't there times that you think, alright, I'm going to pray for this particular thing and hope that God answers you within a month...preferably within a week...but then it happens in hours and it sends you reeling like...HOLY CRAP!? This is exactly what happened with us this time around.

I have felt for a few months that time was coming up to the leaping off point. But for me, I need my husband to lead in this way...so I began to pray. I prayed for timing, I prayed for direction, I prayed for the Lord to direct my husband's decisions and give him Godly wisdom. I did this specifically in a hardcore chunk on a Sunday. God answered that evening! I play the 'well, maybe that was more me than God' card and began to think...nahhh...that couldn't have possibly been an answer so soon. On Monday, our friends giving us money to cover our application fees. HUGE. And again, I play my card again and doubt God's goodness. (Don't ask me why!? I don't know...I just doubt sometimes okay!? I don't take the obvious and accept it obvious!?) We decided that we'd wait for our tax refund and see what happens to cover the biggest fees due now...huh...weird...we had more than enough. But we had to pay for a few other things and would be about $1000 short. Okay Lord, if this is the way, and we are to walk in it...I guess I better start looking for dropped money on the ground...envelop of money in the door...right?

One of our best friends had called and said, "We feel lead to back you guys 100% with where God is leading you on this adoption journey. Be watching the mail." Oh...okay, wow...thank you! All I could think was...these are very good friends and I'm so blessed that they'd feel so strongly. Its been my experience in the past that whenever anyone says, 'hey yeah! This is awesome, we support you!' its more like, crap now we feel guilty and out of obligation to the slip of the tongue, we'll send you $15 in the mail. Please hear my heart on this...any gift is wonderful and we are so very grateful, because it is a blessing... but its hard to accept when it seems more like a sympathy gift or one given out of obligation, rather than wanting to give because you really want to. These friends have NEVER made us feel this way EVER, and we actually consider them to be our family, but because I'm also not friends with Brad and Angelina Jolie, I consider a support gift to be in the range of $25-$50. Yeah...God humbled me as I sifted through the mail and found their sweet card. I opened it up and out fell a $1000 check. I almost fell to the ground weeping. Just that morning I had asked God to give me the faith to walk in His will and to rest in the Hope that He gives me because He loves me. This was almost too much to bear. Man, when God pours out blessing, He does it so lavishly...and always when you least expect it.

Which is also irritating. Why do we even entertain the idea that God would do something and we'd 'least expect it'??  I've been a christian for a long time. I've only really matured in my faith in the last 3 years. If I'm praying in faith, and I have an intimate relationship with the Lord, why would I even NOT expect the Lord not follow through? I have read that verse in Philippians 4:13 where is says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." about a million times...but it wasn't until recently that it hit me while listening to a sermon through Bethel Church. The speaker said that if this verse says that I can do ALL things through Christ and it's Christ who strengthens me...well, that means I have to be weak. I have to be weak so that Christ can strengthen me...Christ will be my strength...I have to trust him if I'm going to be weak and know that He's my strength...and I have to be weak...awe crap...I don't want to be weak!? Being weak is such a struggle for me because that means I have to build my faith and intimacy with Christ. I'll be willingly and INTENTIONALLY putting myself into  situations where I have no other option BUT to trust. That's a lot. And God put that into practice the moment we chose to follow Him down the adoption path again.

Maybe that's one reason that our adoption journey is such a faith builder...we have to be willing to be weak so that Christ can make us strong...He can be our strength. So if you are just beginning the journey or you are in the middle of one and wondering if God has forgotten...no, He hasn't. He IS your STRENGTH. And He's not about to let you forget that...so...is this when you least expect Him to show you? Awesome! Prepare to get your socks rocked!

When God says, "be still." But your Human says, "AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

So if you read my last post, you were left with a possible question: Why is preparing for another post about another Riggins a spoiler alert...wait, you thought I mean another dog...LOL! Oh yeah, no. I'm kind of puppied out.

Ah ha! You're getting a new idea huh? Another...Riggins....GASP!? YOU'RE ADOPTING AGAIN!?

YEP!!!

Interestingly, we don't feel like we have enough? Weird. 

We like to keep the crazy going. LOL Rob and I had been talking about what it'd look like when we adopt. We have plenty of house for it now, so ...okay...when Lord? This last summer the kids and I drove up to Buffalo a little early to enjoy some time with our family up there. The girls were headed to Camp Bethel, but the desperately wanted time with their cousins, so we made sure they all had plenty of time to play and have their girl time. I had brought my painting clothes so Sandy and I could attack the starving walls. During our in depth color extravaganza, I was introduced to Graham Cooke and it was in this week that my spiritual growth drank a bottle of Miracle Grow. It was AWESOME. My whole spirit just soaked up everything Graham was teaching and I heard the Lord tell me many things. One of which was that there was another child...or two...

Well, this morning I woke up and I had a worship song in my head. I LOVE when that happens! And I was praying over the day and what had just happened this weekend...knowing that the reality is...we're going to adopt another baby. It's kinda like being in the fun 'let's try for a baby stage' with 86'ing the birth control and letting God do His glory. Except this stage for adoption means A LOT of paperwork...and anticipation...and TRUST. Man, this stage is the easy part...but having gone through an adoption already makes me wonder...what will this one look like? And when I say what will this 'one' look like, I don't mean my child...I mean, what will our process look like? As with ANY pregnancy, adoption is a process and each process and journey is completely different. So what will my heart look like at the end of this? What obstacles will the Lord securely walk us through? What kind of joys and tears will be see? I keep hearing over and over, "Trust in the Lord...be still and Wait." I also heard, "Rise up on wings like eagles." I had to sit and ponder this one because I didn't understand what that verse pertained to? Rise up like eagles? Huh? Well it is in reference to the verse in Isaiah 40:31. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary." Rob and I HOPE in the Lord. We don't have any other option. We also WAIT on the Lord and because we are focused on Him, He will renew us. It was like a sweet, whispered promise from the Lord that we will be able to rise up, fly up, like eagles...embracing and using the winds of faith. We KNOW God's got our family in a grip of grace.

That's about all I've got for now. I will update as we go along, but it could be awhile. I've already made calls to our agency directors and basically reserving our spot at the dinner table! LOL 

I will say this: Last night, one of my very dearest of friends, and her hubby, treated my husband and I out for a double date. It was WONDERFUL. Movie and dinner...CAN'T complain! She reached over and patted my purse on the outer pocket and said, "Do you ever zip this pocket closed?" Completely clueless, I looked down and back at her and said, "Nope, I usually just have a pen and my phone in here...?" She pats it again and says, "Yeah, but it feels like you have something valuable in there, you should probably zip it up." I'm oblivious to what she's trying to say to me, mostly because I do clueless  and I do it so well. "Well, I think I stuck some napkins in there..."  "Oh my gosh, Robyn! LOL Look in your purse for crying out loud, woman!" I stuck my hand in the open pocket to find a rolled up thickness...I see it is a solid roll of $20 bills. My whole body responded and I'm blinking tears back furiously. I had only started praying for God's timing last week and Rob and I were still only in the newest stage of asking, "HOW DO WE AFFORD ANOTHER PROCESS??" I looked at her through tears and she said, "There's your application fees." I want to shake her and say, "YOU WONDERFUL, CRAZY WOMAN!" But all I can say is a chocked up, "Thank you for everything."

God is so good. This is quite possibly the next 'stream in the desert.' 

The Happiest Place on Earth....Most of the Time....(Part 2)

So after our awesome meeting with Jerry and Debbie, we piled back into the RV for the last leg of the drive. Since we had stopped in Gainesville, Joshua's birthplace, Orlando was just another 2-3 hours away!!! It was a WONDERFUL thought because it had been a VERY full 2 days of driving. I love my children and my parents, but I was ready to get OUT of the RV. The coolest part is that we were staying IN Disney World...like camping there. It was the best idea ever. It was called Camp Wilderness and I would absolutely do it again because we had our own space, as in our own private area and our own large camping spot. Which, if you know our family, 'camping' with the Fyocks means going 20 MILES back into the bush and setting up tents, having a camp fire not only for warmth, but to boil our water and cook our food. Yes, I'm very serious. The one and ONLY time we've ever camped any other way was when we went to Sterling Reservoir and basically encountered a flood of sorts. It wasn't leaving a good taste in our mouthes. LOL So going to Camp Wilderness was pretty awesome!

 It was quite comical watching my dad and husband park this ginormous RV. And because every KOA we stayed at on our way down to FL happened to have a pull through option, backing this big boy into our camp spot in Camp Wilderness was slightly overwhelming. Mom and I grabbed all the kids and headed to the back of the RV where we would be safe from any language or seeing what was actually happening. But because my dad and hubby are rockstar RV parking masters, it shouldn't be any wonder that they got it backed in without a hiccup!

As soon as the kids were allowed to go out and scope the campsite, they immediately ran for the little swampy area. Because I am not afraid of poisonous bugs or alligators in Camp Wilderness, I was okay just letting them scatter to the 4 winds. Just kidding, I was hyperventilating. And in my mind I knew that surely Disney would properly maintain their property for children-eating animals, however my mother instinct had to relax and drink a little bit. LOL And truth be told, THERE WASN'T A SINGLE MOSQUITO!!! Talk about complete service!!! Yes, even where the girls are standing, not an alligator nor a mosquito. I was shocked and pleasantly relieved.

Josh was not to be left out. He immediately enlisted Grandma's help to scout out the area.  It was just after dinner when we got there, so we ate a late dinner and decided to relax, put on a Disney flick and chill so we could get up bright and early to experience ALL the Disney Magic the next day.

 And off we went! Now, let me back track a second here. We have NEVER been to a Disney park as a family nor in the last decade of the latest and greatest technology. We only just upgraded to the iPhone in March...yes, leave me alone, I had my reasons. So at this point we were only walking into Disney World Magic Kingdom armed with a map and an idea. NO BUENO. You don't even understand the sheer magnitude of people we were about to encounter (its SPRING BREAK) and the glaring issue that we had NO idea what the hell we were doing.

If any of you know my mom, she's a machine when she gets an idea into her thick skull. I love her, but since these were the children I actually gave birth to and quite frankly, they hadn't paid for themselves yet, regarding the blood, sweat, and tears I have poured into them, I was FREAKING OUT that I'd lose one of them in the crowd. Yeah, my mom waits for no one when she's on a mission, man. LOL She's completely unconcerned that we don't know where we are going, by God, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN! Holy Disaster. Okay, so those of you who have been to Disney can attest to this: time is EVERYTHING. The time you wait, the time it takes to walk from one ride to another, the time the Disney Princess is taking pictures, the time that Mickey will be in whatever place, TIME TIME TIME. Oh my goodness. I am aware of the time...like crap, its lunch TIME and I have to figure out something to feed my kids, or Yay! Its nap TIME. This Disney time was SO NOT anything I was even mentally prepared for...nor were my kids and because we wanted to have fun, my children were willingly dragged along by grandma...it was only a 1/2 hour into it and I was on the verge of tears. I cannot handle not having a plan. I have 4 small children, life doesn't go anywhere without even a sketched out plan...to walmart...It was too much for me to even wrap my mind around and I'm the adult! Let me also say that on our first day there were over 20,000 people in Magic Kingdom. Nono, you read that right...20 THOUSAND. It was completely overwhelming...so imagine that maybe 15,000 of them are all racing, with my mom, to Splash Mountain. Apparently Splash Mountain was overwhelmed because it broke after my parents and kids had been waiting in line for 30 minutes. RIDICULOUS. It was at that point that we realized how unprepared we were because we kept seeing signs for 'Fast Pass' and then blinking back tears when it would let us know that there was a 95minute wait. It was then that God showed us mercy and a dad that we had seen earlier that morning on the ferry, as we crossed the lake to Magic Kingdom from Camp Wilderness, saw me in distress. He came over and asked how it was going and I'm pretty sure it was a rhetorical because he then asked if I had an iPhone...which I limply handed to him. He laughed as he told me to quickly download the Disney App and it'd tell me the times of the rides, what the wait was, when fast pass (when you get to go to the FRONT of the line: BEAUTIFUL) was available, and you can even see where the different Disney celebs were going to be where and what time! I would have hugged him, but it would have been weird for anyone around. Word of advice: GET THE DISNEY APP FAST!!!! After my parents located us, in the midst of the mass exodus from Splash Mountain, Rob and I had made a plan and explained the time stuff and the fast pass. My breathing was returning to normal without the oxygen mask and I unhooked the valium IV.

When I was a kid, I got to go to Disney Land 2 times with my childhood best friend. I won't post a picture and reveal my shame, of wearing a NEON PINK fanny pack, BRIGHT spandex shorts...and bangs. Ohhh...the humiliation. LOL Anyway, I have been sucked into the idea that we've been robbing our children, somehow, by not taking them to one of these Disney parks. Our big kids are definitely at the ages that they would have a GREAT time, and even though Josh was only 15months, he's easily worn in the Ergo or pushed in the stroller. (and when I say 'worn' I really do mean 'worn'. Observe pix of Rob and Josh. Side note: I DIE laughing every time Rob wears Josh because all you can see from looking at Rob from the front is little black arms and legs sticking out like Rob is morphing into a bug of some sort. And when Josh laughs and gets excited, therefore flailing his arms and legs and feet, it just makes it all the more hilarious.)

And off we went to check out all the rides and embrace the Disney App and all of its MIRACLES.

 Swiss Family Robinson!

 Isannah's not so sure about this ride.

Even though it was only April, and here in CO that means the weather is often still chilly and unpredictable, in FL its absolutely beautiful. It was actually HOT.

My kids had SUCH a great time. Normally I'm not into the splashpark in a massively used area...such as this...but if Disney can ensure that mosquitoes aren't apart of the experience, then I am betting they are clean and I don't have to worry about ringworm. Thats my thought too, nothing kills fun faster than the thought of ringworm. LOL

Duncan is definitely my son...he keeps his shoes on. Natty is more daring...and it paid off this time!

One of my dearest friends is a Disney ADDICT. She has taken her 3 kids BY HERSELF to Disney many times. I don't think theres enough alcohol in the state of FL to convince me to even CONSIDER doing this by myself. A month before we left, I was talking with her and she was giving all of this wonderful and applicable information. GOLD...gold is what she handed me...she had told me about making the plan, which was completely forgotten in the craziness of just getting to Disney. Another nugget she gave me was to stop in the middle of the day, between 1-3pm and go back to our RV and take a nap, eat, rest, and make another plan for the evening. This was the BEST piece of advice ever. Sadly, this nugget, along with the plan nugget, was set aside. Thinking we had paid all this money and to stop would be wasting something. WRONG. We were in Magic Kingdom until 3pm and my children...ALL 4 of them, HIT.THE.WALL. My oldest even had a meltdown. I looked at Rob, who was also having a meltdown and said, "Alright, we are going to go to the RV and nap." This spurred on another massive fit, but the adults grabbed one child each and we trudged back. We made it back to the RV, ate a solid meal, wiped off everyones faces, and we ALL laid down. We all slept for 3 HOURS. Obviously, we were exhausted and it was only the first day!!!! When we got up and had a light dinner, we made a vow that the next day's itinerary would absolutely include a nap at 1pm. So we cleaned up dinner and made our new plan for an evening out. Unfortunately, about 30minutes before we packed up to head out, Isannah became sick. Earlier she had gotten dehydrated and now she was showing signs of heat exhaustion. Josh was ready to go to bed too and so Grandma and Grandpa decided that they'd keep #2 and #4 children (yes, we actually call them by numbers sometimes to avoid little ears perking up to adult plans) and Rob and I'd take the other 2. It was beginning to sprinkle, but we headed out anyway, planning on a fun night!

Sprinkle...notsomuch...it POURED. And because Disney is ON THE BALL...they were selling plastic ponchos and umbrellas everywhere. So we bought kids ones for $8 each! Ugh, like buying candy at the movie theater!

It was really strange just having two kids with us. It was a great evening with Natty and Duncan. I think sometimes it's healthy to split them up and take different kids to different activities. The idea that they have their own time with us is important.




 Around 10pm, we decided that was probably enough for one day and headed back to the RV. Disney has a way of really making each day and night special. The firework display is absolutely breath taking. So as we crossed the lake to Camp Wilderness, we enjoyed the spectacular view.

Sometimes...

I just need a little change in my perspective. I find that when I read quotes by Mother Teresa my heart wrenches in a desire to do and be more. Here is one such quote.

Thousands

Its so true.

A picture DOES say a thousand words.

WHAT are you doing with your other hand?

Time Marches On

Soooo...I know, I'm way off on the blogging thing...AGAIN. However, I have 4 REALLY good excuses. Alright, so mainly I have ONE really good excuse and he's really cute and squishy and makes A LOT of noise. (No, its not Rob.)
Okay, enough of the suspense...
Its a wombat cookie face. And yes, he is THAT cute and THAT DIRTY. In ALL of his glory, Joshua is now 7 1/2 months old and absolutely the apple of our eyes. This kid is very vocal. (I LOVE that our dear friend in FL says, "Girl, dat becuz he black and proud of it!" Yes Caldonia...he most certainly is!!!) Although my other theory is that he's the baby of the family (for the time being) and feels the need to put in his 2 cents...even if its at 230am, 330am, and then again at 430AM. Why must there be a fiesta in the wee hours of the morning? I don't know, but I'm so very thankful for the new mattress on the bottom bunk that I have had the privilege of sleeping on when I'm just too tired to go back to my own bed. Holy smokes going from 4 year old to infant has been a ROUGH transition! (I FEEL OLD!) Add to the fun that Josh is especially cranky because of the two bottom teeth he's trying to push through...AT THE SAME TIME. DEAR>LORD>HAVE>MERCY.

"Mommy...seriously?"

Josh is SUCH a joy. He is quick to smile and has the most contagious laugh. He's not quite crawling yet. Actually he hasn't displayed any interest in it either. I introduced Josh to my good friend's little boy who's about 6 weeks younger than Josh and is already army crawling and actually moving his feet for walking if you hold Gunner up...

Gunner checking Josh out

I tried to show Josh and help him observe Gunner, but Josh was more concerned that mommy was holding another baby...so it was mostly a failed lesson of sharing rather than crawling competitions. At first I was abit concerned...then I remembered that there are 3 older siblings that fight (almost constantly) over who gets to hold the baby. GOOD.GRIEF!!!!! I'm always having to remind his big sisters that they need to leave him alone...Josh gets super annoyed after awhile and just wants some space and so his main form of announcing this little tidbit is to shriek this scream that makes my eyeballs and eardrums vibrate in unison. LOL WOWZERS. He is really good at sitting up and at his last appointment, Dr.Ryan told me that he has really good trunk control. Thats good...'cuz this boy has a big trunk!!! At his 6month appointment he was one ounce from 20lbs. NO WONDER HE'S SO HEAVY AFTER A SHORT TIME HOLDING HIM!?

Joshua in the MOBY with daddy on our WY hike!

I still haul him around in the MOBY, but he's almost too heavy and too grabby for me to do any chores in the house. I struggle some days with not getting anything done because he doesn't want to be held by anyone but me and being put in the bouncer is not only unacceptable, he will not even have it in sight! YIKES...so praying for the Lord to help me prioritize my time while he's napping is crucial lately.  There are days that I'm completely exhausted, wondering why the Lord trusted me so much as to give me 4 children, but then I am grateful because we asked Him to bless our life.

 I have seen my husband transform into this AMAZING, compassionate man. He has always been wonderful, but in the last year I have watched my husband struggle and wrestle with the Lord in ways that have ultimately changed his heart and attitude. While Rob and I both struggle to maintain a 'normal' schedule (is that really even realistic on a cop's shift work?) for our childrens' sake, it has been a cobblestone path of trial and error. But as I look back at the intricate design of our winding path with odd colors and chips in our stones, I see that God has been the pavement holding our cobblestones together and the soil that those stones are laid upon that have held our little family together to weather whatever storms have come. And let me tell you, we have had a few hail storms and hurricane type winds!

OH! A very interesting tip I received was from Duncan a few days ago in the car...when he announced to Rob and I that he and Josh were, in fact, TWINS! Nono, he's very serious...they are twins. "Mom!? I'm telling you! Josh and I are twins!"
 Rob and I look at each other with a bit of humor and Rob looks at him in the rearview mirror, "Buddy, Joshua is your brother, but you aren't twins...I'm sorry. You are his BIG brother..." Incredulously Duncan looks at his father and retorts, "Uhm, yeah Dad we are. See? We have the same birthday. We are twins!"

my twins :)

"Duncan, your birthday is in May. Josh's birthday is in January. You are BROTHERS...not twins. Do you know what 'twins' means? It means you came out of the same mommy...at the SAME time."
"Dad!? We did come out of the same mommy!"
"Son, I hate to break it to you, but you came out of Mommy's tummy and Josh came out of his birth moms' tummy...so...can't be twins. And you are 5...Josh is a baby...do you understand?" Duncan was having NONE.OF.THIS. But he saw that he wasn't going to make us see his point of view and said, "Well, we are." I LOVE THIS ABOUT MY OLDEST SON!!!! He sees NOTHING different about his baby brother, rather Josh is an extension of himself...it makes me cry because my son has learned what some ADULTS are NEVER going to see nor want to learn: LOVE IS COLOR BLIND.

Recently I was completely sickened to my very core...disgusted to the point of vomiting. I mean, I KNEW that we'd run into racial slurs that would make anyone cringe...but I expected it to be from people I didn't actually know personally...certainly not friends...or those I thought to be. WOW. And here I thought my 'mama bear' was only engaged on the playground with the mean kids...HOLY FREAKING LOOK OUT...frothing at the mouth, get a brown bag to breathe in because I'm hyperventilating just try to maintain my COMPOSURE in front of my older kids... who can SEE that my eyeballs are about to pop out of my skull and by the sheer look of utter terror on their faces, something ugly is gonna happen...everyone take cover 'cuz Mama's about to lose her mind. (Have you gotten a picture of my bodily reaction to these comments? LOL!) This person actually asked me (KNOWING we have completed Josh's adoption) if we were 'trying build an f'ing plantation' because I mentioned that we were going to adopt at least once more. I.KID.YOU.NOT. At the moment this remark was said I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor and breath left my lungs. (It wasn't until much later when the words this person said actually registered in my brain and my children ran for cover and my eyeballs shot out of my skull like pingpong balls...so I had to look on Pinterest and learn how to put my eyeballs back into my head without damaging them further~FYI baking soda is a great way to help with that! heehee). I could not wrap my mind around what I just heard nor could my heart endure the fact that our family will surely face situations like this in the future. I guess because Josh is an INFANT (and completely delicious at that) I naively thought we wouldn't be encountering things like this for awhile. (Yes, and if you notice I admitted being NAIVE) I FORGET THAT MY SON IS BLACK! I FORGET THAT I DID NOT BIRTH THIS PRECIOUS CHILD! I'm actually shocked when people ask me if Joshua is my baby. However I get the BIGGEST kick out of my closest friends and family saying that Josh looks like me. I LOVE hearing this...I think my children are the most beautiful children God created...I understand I'm completely bias, but that is my right as their mother!!!! (I will admit that sometimes I think Duncan is much more 'beautiful' when he's in a DEEP sleep)

I totally get that we live in a community where diversity is NORMAL and that being a 'mixed' or biracial family is COMMON. But I absolutely do not believe that its okay for ANYONE to be so disrespectful or just flat out RACIST and ugly...especially about a child. If skin is stripped away, a body is a body is a body. Why does it matter so much!? Why!? I absolutely understand that its different here in the middle of America than it is in the south!? But I'm finding that its the WHITE population that seems to think that they can just say whatever the heck they feel like saying; to hell with the consequences and to hell with whoever hears their ugly and destructive words! And I feel like its not even FIRST GENERATION who has the biggest mouth about their beliefs regarding race and 'mixing cultures!?' Its the 2nd and 3rd who have to run their mouths like they know from personal experience. It makes me crazy. I have a physical reaction to the ignorance and flat out STUPIDITY that runs like verbal diarrhea from the mouthes of these kinds of people...okay have you ever seen Toy Story 3? You know the monkey that is watching the monitors in the office that bangs the cymbals? THAT IS ME!!!!! I'm not kidding...the freaking out motion with the arms banging together is me...except I'm making other sounds along with the screeching. 

Anyway, these are the things that have been occupying my mind. But mostly, I love my life...and the idea of all that can be as long as we continue to seek the Lord's heart and will. So much excitement and faith that surrounds the decisions we make that will inevitably shape our future. (and yes, I was very serious when I mentioned that Josh is the baby...FOR NOW...) Ahhhhhh, back to life for the moment though...hungry cranky baby that needs to go to bed with a full belly and some undivided mommy time. Yep, its a great way to end a long day. :)

Just a little information

YAY! So exciting. Our Colorado agency that we used for our adoption with Joshua, Colorado Adoption Center, has a website that you can check out! We LOVED every part of our journey with this agency. Our case workers were absolutely there for us and are still very much apart of our lives. I hate when I hear stories of families that had NIGHTMARISH experiences with any agency, but so excited to be able to share another option with families wanting to walk down the adoption road.

Its not an easy road...at.all. Its hard...and emotional...but honestly, WHAT PREGNANCY ISN'T!? I've been pregnant 3 times and let me tell you, with all due respect, our paper pregnancy with Josh was by far the hardest. Not because of stretch marks I received as a physical attribute of growing a precious child in my womb or the weight roller coster, but emotional and mental stretch marks that built my faith and grew my heart, instead of my body. There is nothing more intimate than walking through an adoption with your family. I'm not talking about extended family, but rather the immediate family that grieves to hold the child you know God has in mind for your family. Our older children have loved Joshua from the moment we began talking about him and only grew stronger the moment we walked in the door and introduced Josh to them as they anxiously bounced around in ecstasy, eager to see his precious face in person. They KNEW Josh was apart of our family and loved him unconditionally. I might also add that my daughters, who are 8 and 7, have come to the conclusion that I'm incompetent as a parent since I'm CONSTANTLY having to remind them that I am capable of handling the baby on my own... and he actually needs to be set down so he can learn to crawl and eventually walk. Since they find this preposterous, I'm hoping he actually learns to crawl BEFORE he's 3.

At any rate, I absolutely wanted to get the word out there that CAC's website it up and ready to view!!! We would recommend them EVERY time to ANYONE looking to adopt. They are HONEST and CARE ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES AND BIRTH MOMS. We plan on using them again with our next adoption...I pray that God makes your paths straight and gives you wisdom as you seek His will. May God bless you as you embrace adoption!!!!!!! (you can click on 'Colorado Adoption Center' for their direct link!)

....The Rest of the Story (*insert Paul Harvey's voice*)

Yep, thats it! We are DONE!!!! Done with what?

Erika & the Riggins kiddos

Josh's adoption is COMPLETED!

May 10th, 2012 Finalization Day!

All the Riggins and 'Grama Judy'

I'm still in a bit of a shock or daze...can't pick a word to really describe it. Except to say that it went a lot faster than I thought it would. We were so blessed to have 2 amazing people help us that day! Judy is our Notary and Erika is our beloved friend who watches our kids often.

 A little recap:
*In February of 2011 we began the paperwork with our Colorado agency, Colorado Adoption Center.
*In April of 2011 we were put on the family list and began paperwork for our Florida agency, Christian Family Services in Gainesville.
*In June of 2011 we became home study approved...thus beginning our 'waiting purgatory' (Thank you Randee...I will ALWAYS be using this marvelous adjective for what the waiting is really like ~LOL).
*In July of 2011 we applied for the JSC Foundation's grant and received $8000 it in September, taking care of our placement fee.
*On January 7th, 2012 at 11am we received 'THE CALL' and left at 530pm that same day for Florida. We pulled into Christian Family Services on January 9th, 2012 wrapped up paperwork and headed over to the hospital to met our precious son, Joshua, who was born on January 6th, 2012 around 3pm FL time. How amazing and faithful is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who lead us into the adoption world on shaky and wobbly feet to come out strong and in awe of the miracle of adoption. What a perfect picture, that we got to experience first hand, of His unconditional love. To see and meet our son and fall in love with him absolutely, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was, in fact, OUR son. Knitted together by the Lord's hands, loved so deeply by his precious birth mother, and designed so specifically for our family. When I look at my children and see how miraculous each one is, I'm humbled to my knees, knowing that the Lord handed me the most incredible privilege of being their mommy. What an honor to have such a huge responsibility that the Lord HIMSELF CHOSE FOR ME. While it is sure to be a long road, its one that is marked with sounds of laughter and tears, heartache and immense JOY. How deeply engraved are my children on my heart and each day that passes I grow more and more sure of who God created me to be as their mommy. Such an awesome gift!!!

*May 10th, 2012 we nervously awaited the call from our lawyer to come in. We were set to 'appear in court' by phone with our case worker, Monique and our FL attorney, Mitch. Our judge is a man known for his passion for adoption and the lives of the children he sets in each special Forever family. It wasn't a long call at all, but as Rob and I stood in our kitchen with our dear friend & Notary, Judy, it was hard to imagine that the journey we had been on for what seemed like so long was about to come to an end. What an enormous relief it was to hear these much coveted words, "...its official, this adoption for Joshua Connor is final." I could FEEL the smiles in the room that we were only hearing and the joy that the Judge felt as he asked me, "So, is Joshua sleeping through the night yet?" which I was trying so hard to control my shaky-from-tears voice, "Not quite yet, but we are working on it." And hearing the chuckles of understanding from our case worker, attorney, and Judge, I knew that again, God had lead the way, knowing exactly who needed to be in our court room and so joy-filled Himself that we had followed by FAITH and not sight. We could have never found our way here without His very clear leading. Tears of relief, joy, and exhaustion rolled down my cheeks as I looked at my sleeping son, who had no idea how much we had worked to get to that day.

I think its very similar for each of us, as God's children. How far He does go and Jesus was our very obvious sacrifice that God made to love us and to be with us. When He sees us He doesn't see the 'sister' or the 'aunt' or the 'husband' or most importantly, He never sees us as 'the grandchild.' He sees us as His CHILD. There is no inlaw or grand, step or half when God looks at us...there is nothing but His OWN CHILD. This absolutely amazes me because how often do we feel the pressure of what other people think about us and take it on as though that is how the Lord must think about us? I know I certainly have, only to realize that no, I'm a daughter of the Lord Most High...created and established IN HIM. His thoughts, His words...everything that I am...IS FOUND IN HIM. The ONLY identity worth having is my identity that is found in Jesus. No matter what crappy, untrue words that are spoken about me do not matter...why? Because Jesus knows me. He knows ME. He sees my heart and is the ONLY ONE that has the authority to judge me...NO MATTER WHAT. Which is why I can stand FIRMLY on the knowledge that each of my beautiful children was given to me, with confidence, BY GOD HIMSELF. He knew I was capable, even when I didn't. He knew I was able, even if others questioned it. He knows that I will always call out to Him in my distress and holds me up when I'm too weak to stand. When I am weak...HE IS STRONG. Such true joy is found in obedience...

May 10th, 2012

And for the simple, yet complex task of obeying, I can say with all my heart...ADOPTION IS SUCH A BLESSING!!!

WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY JOSHUA!!!!!

Alittle shut eye would do the memory good... ;)

Yikes, I realized that I left out some details that are extremely important.
As I said in several other blogs, Rob and I are not the sort of family that has an issue trying to find a place for all those 'extra' coins. In fact, the mere mention of the price tag that comes with adoption, whether its domestic or international, was enough to make you faint straight away. To the point where Rob and I questioned often if we were really supposed to adopt because it wasn't exactly 'in the budget!'

When we decided we were supposed to do our garage sale last summer and asked for donations, I remember standing in Michelle and Cory Dalpra's garage PACKED full and asking her, "Hey, think we can get $3500 out of this?" She laughed and said, "Well...I think you'll get $1000...!?" Awesome...not exactly what I was hoping for, but I can tell you that I distinctly 'heard' the Lord tell me, "I'll provide the FULL amount." Okay, that's it Lord?...could you give me another hint...? Like, what full amount...the amount I need by next week (when we had to fulfill our $2500 for our birth mom fees, remaining fees for our post placement fees for CO, and our application fee for CFS ~ we needed $3750)....or do you mean like the F.U.L.L AMOUNT...and I'm laughing because I think that the Lord tells us what we can HANDLE. This revelation with the Lord saying the 'full amount' meant that yes, for that weekend, he was going to provide the FULL amount ...we made $1870 from our garage sale and a friend donated $2500. So that right there people was EXACTLY what we needed...RIGHT THEN. And then Lord didn't tell me anymore until He chose to! lol

Obviously we wanted to do all that we could to raise money because adoption IS expensive. This is another reason we chose Christian Family Services, Gainesville, FL. They were SIGNIFICANTLY less expensive than 90% of the agencies we looked into. Our case worker, Monique will tell you that I asked point blank, okay, whats wrong with you guys...why are you so much more affordable?

  (Let me just rabbit trail here for a second. I LOATHE that when I say "affordable" or "expensive" or anything dealing with money it makes me feel as though I'm somehow putting a price on  life of a child. This is NOT the case...its just the facts of what an adoption looks like and it almost felt like these other agencies charging $17,000+ for a PLACEMENT FEE were selling babies. I'm just saying...it felt WRONG. If there are truly 147 MILLION children needing a home, WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE!?!?!?!?)

 

She was fast to answer. "We do not believe in selling babies. This isn't just a job, its a ministry and a life that God has brought into the world and its our belief that its our responsibility to help that child find the home God designed for them. We don't have the normal fees that the other agencies do because we don't have the expenses. Obviously we have to pay for our social workers and our building and the expenses that go with having a business, but we aren't in this to get rich or make money...we do this because we are called to take care of the orphans." Uhm...yes, this is what solidified where we felt God leading us. CFS it is! I will tell you that they don't charge a flat fee of $17,000...or any other ridiculous fee that makes NO sense whatsoever. They charge 13% of your annual GROSS income, NOT to exceed $15,000. SO guess what, even if you make millions of dollars a year there is a cap of $15,000. This is amazing. They are not secretive about where your money goes. I had people try to tell me that we were 'being taken for a ride' and 'someone's gettin' rich!' Bottom line, we knew our agency was honest and the whole integrity part made it very easy to work with them. ;) Plus I cannot tell you how many times I'd call and talk to Monique (for waaay too long~ sorry Monique! LOL) for reassurance, information, or just needing to talk to someone who knew. I can't begin to express how much it meant...I can say that our agency KNEW US WELL...or knew ME well! 

Now, there are a lot of grants and loans and options for adoption fees. A few options we were not comfortable with because we did not feel that going INTO debt was something God was asking us to do just to adopt. Raising support was incredibly humbling...we sent out a 'support letter' and held a spaghetti dinner. We looked into many grants, but found that we didn't qualify for some, we missed some of the deadline dates, or it was only for international adoptions. However, we found JSC Foundation and met all the requirements! We applied in June when we were finally 'home study ready' (which, FYI, if you are not done with your home study you cannot apply) and found out we had received a grant from JSC in September! SO not only were our fees paid for to date (our home study, post placement, 2 applications, birth mom fees, and all the little odds and ends that cost alittle), but now our placement fee was completely paid for!!!! The largest sum was done...GOD!? YOU JUST ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF!!!! Okay so all that was left was a finalization fee of $995...but in my mind I just thought, okay...taxes are comin...so no need to worry about that. Then, as we are driving across Kansas, our Colorado case worker, Tammie, texted me and alerted me to an interesting tidbit. "Hey, I'm sending your FL agency a check for $1000 from a donation that came in." OOOOHHHHH MY GOSH WWWHHHHAAAAATTTT??????????
 "Rob, someone just donated a serious amount....OUR ADOPTION IS COMPLETELY PAID FOR." We both stared out the windshield for awhile...and instantly I heard the Lord tell me again, "I will provide the full amount." 

So when we were signing paperwork at CFS before going to meet Josh, Jerry laughed as he handed us paperwork and told us, "This is a first for us...we've never actually handed over a check AND a baby!" Wrap your mind around this with me. Our adoption is paid for. God used people who were ready and willing to bless us with an unimaginable gifts, both large and small. Every bit of it counted...every prayer, every dollar, every donation ~ for a garage sale or individual amounts, every hug, every tear, every single bit of this has counted.

(Side note: A HUGE THANK YOU to our donors. Without your constant support, both prayerfully and financially, we would not be where we are. God heard EVERY one of your prayers for us and we cannot express our gratitude. To those of you who I have leaned on heavily for emotional support...is THANK YOU ENOUGH? Each of you holds a very dear place in our hearts and are so thankful that we can share our family's life journey with YOU!)

 And the biggest humbling fact? I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!! I didn't help the money come in...I sure did pray and I definitely worried about it until the very end when the Lord proved that He's OBVIOUSLY more than capable...why did I ever doubt? 

I want to encourage those of you who are beginning the adoption paperwork, are in the midst of waiting for a referral or match with a birth mom, or those who are just beginning to CONSIDER adoption and you see the dollar signs bombarding your computer screen. DO.NOT.LET.THIS.DETOUR.YOU.FROM.GOD'S.CALLING.

 Its not going to be easy. Its going to require your emotions and be heart-wrenching when you can't see the end or understand what the Lord is doing. However, I firmly believe that when the Lord calls us to further His Kingdom and take care or the orphan, 

HE ALWAYS EQUIPS YOU. 

HE ALWAYS PROVIDES.

 HIS PLAN IS ALWAYS BEST. 

Our story is proof that God is faithful and his promises never come back empty. The Lord WANTS to delight and dazzle us! What loving parent doesn't enjoy SURPRISING His children?

 Well get set...God's gonna ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!!!!!

Adoption Agency Information (and a few rabbit trails)

I have been asked many time for names and numbers and adoption information. I wish I had a ton of pages to visit and references, but I only have what I know from our experience. We are adopting domestically (within the United States) through the state of Florida through Christian Family Services in Gainesville, FL. Our case worker's name is Monique Lord and she's absolutely fantastic. I highly recommend calling her if you want additional information regarding Florida state adoption laws or their agency. Domestic adoptions are vastly different from International adoptions. Rob and I felt God specifically call us to adopt at this time within the States. We are absolutely open and supportive of any adoption, domestic, foster, or international...just so we make that perfectly clear. I have no doubt that this adoption is not only far from our last, but we hope that God opens the doors to adopt internationally as well as possibly foster in the future.

 Now, this is where it may be alittle confusing, but stay with me here. We live in Colorado and each state has different requirements for their adoption processes. Whatever state you live in you will be required to do a 'home study.' You also have to fill out applications to begin an adoption process. So because we had to have a Colorado agency to take care of the Colorado laws, we chose to go through Colorado Adoption Center in Windsor. We had looked into a few others, finding that CAC was not only the most affordable, we just seemed to click with them. In short...I LOVE THIS AGENCY. Our good friend who adopted internationally made the comment that she couldn't believe how 'easy' our process has been. I have heard of several families having very good and very bad adoption experiences. It never occurred to me what ours was at that point. But during our garage sale to raise money for adoption fees, I had a lot of people feel the need to tell me their very worst stories about adopting...even if it hadn't actually happened to them.
(I'm going to rant for a second...Let me say first off, people like to tell you the WORST story possible for whatever it is that you are going through. Like being pregnant for the first time, I had people tell me HORROR stories about their birthing experience(s). Seriously, WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT!? I hate that moms who've had almost dying birthing experiences will tell some poor new mom how the umbilical cord almost choked their baby as it was being pushed out and then the mom almost bled to death and they ripped from belly button to anus, oh but everything turned out okay. WOW...SERIOUSLY!? Did you not just see the poor woman faint!? Yeah, pick a better story or just don't tell yours until AFTER this poor woman has delivered her precious baby. I'm not sure what it is about birthing stories that makes 'experienced' moms want to tell the very worst ones. I always try to encourage new moms who are terrified of labor that its literally the most natural pain they will endure and survive. Does that mean that they will have a good experience? No, but whats the point in making the poor thing scared and doubting God's perfect design? Fear is never the answer to coping. I say Hooray for drugs...yay for epidurals...labor just means that you are almost done! Its going to be exactly what its supposed to be. Same with adopting...God has a child in mind for your family~ DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU! Why would God lead you into a situation just to fail especially when it is regarding a child? "God's heart is closest to the orphan and I want to be where God's heart is..." A friend said this to me once and it has stuck with me ever since. God never promised it would be easy, but He does ask for all of our heart...well, so that's what it comes down to and I'm choosing to not only trust the Lord, but seek His heart... Yes...I'm done...jumping off my soap box! Phew!  LOL)

Okay so back to the original thought. Until my friend had mentioned how our process had been 'easy' I hadn't even thought about it. We don't have any 'Horror' stories. We haven't been ripped off, scammed, or been in a place of destitution because we've had to pay all this money for fees. I absolutely trust our Colorado agency and would absolutely recommend it every single time.

What about the money???
Well, what about it? Rob and I are the first to tell you, we are NOT made of money. God has ALWAYS supplied our needs and therefore we KNOW we can trust Him. (If you want to know our whole story to this point you can read it in the post called Adoption, Really Lord?) Rob and I have always taken the stand that we didn't feel comfortable going into more debt just to begin a process. THIS IS OUR STAND POINT. You do not have to agree. We also felt that we needed to have the money upfront without taking out a loan to begin. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY. However, we ran into issues having to come up with our first large sum of money for our home study. Like I stated before, we found CAC to be the most reasonably priced. Unfortunately our decisions were made largely on fee schedules. I want to say something LOUD and CLEAR.

If God has called you to adopt...MONEY IS NOT AN ISSUE. God economy IS NOT like ours. God doesn't see money as a reason to do or not do something. Why should He? He's our Savior and Creator...is it too much to ask God to provide $100 for an application fee? ABSOLUTELY NOT. If He calls us to obey Him, I feel that its only necessary that we put our entire financial situation IN His lap, and ASK Him for the provisions necessary. Don't you think He will provide for you? Obedience isn't just about saying, "yes, we'll adopt" but more importantly, "YES WE WILL TRUST YOU LORD."

I'm going to let you chew on that for abit and pray that God leads you. The joy of obeying the Lord is knowing that He has a specific purpose for your life and calls each of us into different areas of service to the Kingdom. I'm excited for each of you who hears the Lords voice calling you down the adoption path.

Colorado Adoption Center
Tammie Borrett
cac.tammie@yahoo.com
970.493.8816

Christian Family Services
2720 Southwest Second Ave.
Gainesville, FL 32607
(352) 378-6202 info@cfsfl.org

The Promises of the Father

I'm happy to say that we have literally sent in our LAST piece of paperwork...Its official...as soon as that sucker is logged in at CFS we are officially ready to be shown to birth moms! Yes, we were told that we would be able to be shown in certain situations, but now we are officially set and ready to go. I'm so excited. I know I have said it a few times before, but I want to tell everyone of you who have been praying for us through this journey HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU. Rob and I couldn't have done it without your prayer support.

I have felt encouraged by some women in my life that definitely spoke life into my heart recently. Even though our adoption process has been very smooth (considering some of the absolute horror stories I've heard) its still a trust struggle. In my humanness I could have confirmation after confirmation from the Lord and STILL I am weak. Right now in the midst of complete happiness with the paperwork, the trusting struggle still remains in regard to financial provision. How are we going to do this? How can we raise that much? Will it come in time? Will we have enough? The answer is YES...to all my questions. The Lord NEVER leads us somewhere He won't absolutely equip us for. I thought about it like this: say you send one of your kids to the store because you need milk. This child has the ability to go; they can drive or walk. They know what store you want them to go to. But this child doesn't have money to go buy the milk with. As a parent, would you expect this child to pay for something that you sent them to go get by themselves when they have no money to buy it?

I was pondering all those things in my heart while in the midst of rushing all over town and realizing we were late to gymnastics. Whoops...*sigh* so typical of me...is it just the luck of the draw that I would genetically receive the 'ALWAYS LATE' gene? Apparently so. So as I walk in and see the beautiful chaos of the last day of the girls gymnastic session (Under the Sea party theme) I'm filled with a wonderful sense of peace. Not just the, 'phew! I made it' kind of peace...a God filling my heart and spirit kind of peace. The girls long time gymnastics coach, Hillery walked up to me and said, "hey Mama! Listen, I have a word for you...God's going to blow your mind. You aren't going to have to worry about the finances of this adoption...He's going to cover EVERY SINGLE CENT." Wow...Okay then! He saw my very anxious heart and wanted to wrap His ever capable arms around me and remind me of one certain and absolute truth:

I love you and I have all of this under MY control. Not yours, Robyn. Rely on me and remember my promise to YOU; I will take care of all your needs (Philippians 4:19).

The Other Side...

Wow, there are so many fun things to say today. But unfortunately there are some not so fun things too. Why does it always happen to go that way? Anyway, we are moving right along with our paperwork. As I write this I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song 'Hanging On' and reminded that I'm definitely hanging on...for dear life! This process has been so amazing. I've gotten to witness God's hand tangibly in our finances, in the lives of other friends enduring the grueling process of adoption right along with us, and the transformation of hearts. When we began this 'adoption talk' that alot of my family likes to call it, we had hardly any support. I found something to be particularly true in the conversation of adoption. Either you get the 'wow, you're crazy...I could never do that' or you get the backlash of vehemence stemming from (SEE THIS NOW) THEIR FEAR. Basically that they project their fears on you because you are doing something they don't think they could do or simply choose not to. I got the "You could never afford it" or my favorite "You have 3 healthy children already, you don't need anymore." WOW...really? RIDICULOUS. How would you know(or presume to know) what I NEED?? (One thing I always wonder in an arguement to the 3 healthy kids...why do people go out and buy a new tv? A flatscreen and pay hundreds or thousands of dollars and their old tv works just fine!? They want one, thats why...well so guess what, I want another kid. You sit and watch your tv, I'll adopt a kid, mind your buisness Fred. To each his own, but do not chastize me because you wouldn't adopt, thank you very much.) *F*E*A*R*...its a nasty little thing...and we all have it. It stops MANY people in many avenues of life. Just because I'm stepping out in FAITH does not erase any part of my fears. Faith just allows me to step out IN my fear, knowing that Jesus knows all that I can handle and He WILL equip me. "Lord, you call us into an adoption that has no guarantees, no control, nothing to lean on BUT YOU..." Oh yeah, there's that pesky control thing AGAIN. You'd think I'd get it eventually, but being stubborn is one of my best attributes!!! LOL Ah yeah, one I'd love to get rid of maybe.

I realized that people's only way of trying to understand what I'm doing is to put themselves in my place. They think, wow, I couldn't do that..  >>  whatever THAT might be. I couldn't pay that much, I couldn't homeschool, I couldn't put forth that much time, I couldn't put that much of myself out there like that. And they have a lot of reasons why...but it hit me like a pile of bricks in the midst of my frustration...THEY AREN'T ME! God may NOT be calling them to do 'THAT' and that is OKAY!!! But he is calling my husband and I to do this particular thing and who do we really need to answer to? Well, duh, God...but knowing that in my heart and resting in His care is hard for me. I feel like I have to convince someone why I'm doing what I'm doing when I don't need to and then for some stupid reason I'm seeking out their approval!? Why should I? I'm supposed to be a witness, not a people pleaser. There are a few things that God does call us to do. It doesn't matter if you think they are right or wrong or whatever, the Bible says so and so whether you agree or not doesn't matter...the truth is still the same. God commands us (the WHOLE body, THE CHURCH) to take care of the oppressed, defend the orphan, and fight for the rights of the widows.(Isaiah 1:16-17) That didn't have any exceptions that I could see. Do I believe that everyone needs to take in a widow or orphan? CERTAINLY NOT. But taking care of the oppressed is not limited to taking a widow or orphan INTO your home. Soup Kitchens, blanket/clothes for the homeless drives, backpacks for food, volunteering to babysit once a month, PRAYER...financial help for families adopting~simply buying from a garage sale meant to raise money towards fees...ALL these things I believe God uses to ACTIVELY 'take care' of widows and orphans.

I was recently speaking with my mother inlaw about wanting to make a difference for getting word out that orphans ARE apart of our society...IN our town(!) and it hit me. I think that a lot of people really do desire to be apart of helping people adopting...or want to be apart of making a difference for so many kids but really don't know where to even begin. The word adoption has a lot of notsofun words attached to it like 'expensive.' My concern was the same...oh good grief, HOW MANY THOUSAND!? But that's not the point and I think Jesus deals with us individually and in our hearts separately regarding these issues. God said in Deuteronomy 10:17-19 "For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. he shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. And YOU ARE TO LOVE THOSE who are aliens for you and yourselves where aliens in Egypt." If he says I need you to adopt this child...Hes going to provide the finances to do so. We are living testimony to this very fact. We are not people with a lot of excessive money...God has provided EVERY CENT!!! We've paid alittle over $6300 to this point! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? Well, with God. But I've also seen how people write off their responsibility to be actively involved in God's command to help and take care because they know WE are adopting or they know someone else is...or their church is really involved in programs where people are adopting. So instead of 'guilt by association' its more of a 'justificiation (of non-action) by association.' I can say this without malice...I was one of those people. I had to repent for such a hard heart...how many children are without kisses each night from a mommy or daddy that loves them? How many kids aren't hearing those precious, life-giving words "I love YOU." Too many, and so when people say "Your house is too small, where will you put another kid?" I have no answer that really satisfies except that I have room enough for at least one more.

I had a friend ask me how it was possible for me to feel like a child I didn't birth feel like mine? She has 2 step kids and while she loves them dearly, its not the same...well of course its not the same. She didn't choose to be a step mom or choose the step kids that are in her life. I felt like the Lord had confronted me with this question as a test to really dive into the heart of my fear: Can I love this child like my own biological children? Please hear me when I say this: that child IS mine. God designed him FOR ME...for us as a family. I feel my child in a way that unless you've been through an adoption, you cannot understand. I may not feel that child in my belly or concieve him/her, but it doesn't matter...God put this child IN my heart. All I can do for this child is PRAY FOR HIM. Thats all...and I have to be okay with this. I have to trust that my Heavenly Father is forming his precious, perfect body in his birth mommy's womb. Do YOU understand the powerful act of prayer? Its huge and its all that I've got. So me being 'mommy' on my knees praying for my child is unlike any pregnancy I've ever had. I ache for my baby, I love him desperately right now and I cannot wait to meet this miraculous baby. I'm thankful that my friend brought this question to the forefront of my mind: its a huge piece of our process.

But I need to bring forth one more aspect of this adoption that people write off: our birth mom. This woman isn't some 'slut' or some 'mistake'...she is a child that God did create and is loved dearly by our Heavely Father. People seem to fear a 'crack baby.' WOW...is this REALLY what we should be fearing?? The fear that is legitimate is that she will not know that Jesus loves her and has a purpose for HER and her child. Do we not realize that she is already being honored for her first and most crucial decision??? SHE IS CHOSING ADOPTION...NOT abortion. God will bless her and honor her because in a moment where she was choosing intimacy(and some are NOT) and our precious child was concived, she is chosing LIFE when she will face the most excruciating decision of her life. She's chosing to become selfless and placing her child's needs far above her own...in the face of critisizm, in the face of hate and meanness, in the face of rejection...she's chosing to place her child in the arms of a family that desperately WANTS her child. No, this woman deserves respect and love because who of you have put your child up for adoption, trusting people you don't know and placing your child's needs above your own? I certainly couldn't imagine leaving the hospital WITHOUT my baby. Reguardless of her past decisions, God has brought forth a child ON PURPOSE and that birth mom WAS apart of that. Without her, our child wouldn't be. So while I'm on my knees for my baby, I'm also on my knees for her. Praying for her safety, her decisions, her pregnancy, her concerns, her fears...her heart. Would you come along side me and pray as well?